Do You Love Me?

Do You Love Me

All of the fame and the masquerade
You like the concerts and studios
And all the money, honey, that I make, but
Do you love me, do you love me
Do you love me, really love me
Your backstage pass and black sunglasses
Make you look just like a queen
Even the fans, they know your face
From all of the magazines, but
Do you love me (do you love me)
Do you love me (do you love me)
Do you love me (do you love me)
Really love me (really love me)
I wanna know

I was semi-awake for a long time, comfortable and warm. I love that zone when I am somewhere between fully asleep and completely awake. That hazy sort of twilight where it's possible to believe I am floating in the safest warmest cocoon. It felt as though I were surfacing and going under water over and over again. Not in a panic as if I were drowning, but smoothly and gently like a long distance swimmer. Often, as I got close to the surface, Taylor was mumbling in his sleep, something soft and sad sounding, but the actual words escaped me. I wasn't sure if it was because I was so close to being asleep or if he was really mumbling. But I found so much comfort in his presence, in the feel of skin against skin as we lie entangled.

There is something about late May in Tulsa. The weather is perfect. The overbearing heat and humidity haven't yet arrived. That morning, the breeze was gentle and fresh; the smell of earth and spring flowers wafted in gently through the partially open window. At one point, I thought I heard Emory moving around in the living room, but I couldn't be certain. One good thing about living in the Bible belt, Sunday mornings are very, very quiet.

In my mental twilight, I found myself climbing trees, jumping into rivers, sitting on top of a water tower watching the sunrise with Taylor's head on my shoulder. I spent time sitting on the floor of my bedroom in my parents house playing cards with Thad telling him about my life now. It's funny, but when Thad is in my dreams, he looks like he's still sixteen just a bigger version of sixteen. His eyes were soft and laughing as I told him of all of our adventures on the road. He told me he had met one of Zac's friends the day before. He sighed when we heard the distant bells of a church. He said that heaven was an awful lot of work before he disappeared.

The church bells of my dream changed to a phone ringing, which just annoyed me. I hated the phone and I didn't care enough about who it might be to actually get up and answer it. Eventually, the answering machine picked up, but when it got to the beep, whoever it was hung up. That was totally fine with me since I didn't want to talk to them either. I sighed and rolled over. Taylor's back was to me, wide and smooth. I slipped my arm around his waist and slid in behind him. When I placed my hand over his, he quickly locked fingers with me. I was almost back to sleep when the phone rang again.

"So, you're just going to let it ring 'til the machine gets it again?" Taylor asked sharply.

"They'll just call back 'til you answer," Taylor said moving as if he were going to answer the phone.

"I'll get it." I said rolling over and feeling around. I was all set to ignore the phone again, but Taylor was right; whoever it was would probably call back until I got it. And for some reason, that just annoyed me. "Hello? And this better be good..."

"Not Jesus, Jarrod. And really, you ought to watch your heresy on Sunday." He said laughing. "Cleo, you're getting a little too accustomed to your rock and roll lifestyle."

"Dang, if only you were funny," I said laying flat on my back. I had just woken up and yet, I felt like I could have slept for another three hours. I hated being so tired. I hated being this tired. "What do you want?"

"Can he call you when we wake up?" I asked looking over at Taylor. He was watching me his face sleep softened. Without my glasses on he was all blurred edges and blue eyes. The light in the room was so rich and warm that it made his skin and hair glow. His eyes fluttered as he drifted back to sleep. I poked him to wake him. If I had to be awake, so did he.

"Cleo, you need to get up and get ready," Jarrod said laughing. "We're meeting at Zio's in three hours."

"There is no way in hell that it's 3:30 in the afternoon." I said stretching. As I stretched, the sheets pulled down exposing the entire upper half of my body. I felt my nipples tighten as the cool air in the room hit them.

"Jarrod, you are such a liar." I said reaching out and grabbing the alarm clock. I pulled it close to my face and flinched. "Oh man, it's 3:28!"

"No, it's not," Taylor said his voice thick and groggy. He reached out and pulled on the sheets, exposing the rest of my body. Even though the room was warm, it still made me shiver. "It can't be."

"Yeah, the guys got home from Dallas around 1:00," I said yawning. I reached for the sheet, but Taylor pushed it down off the end of the bed. He was making gentle circles on my exposed flesh. The soft ministrations made my nipples pucker even tighter. I pushed his hand away.

"No, I was sick… really sick." I said pushing Taylor's hand away, again. He definitely had an agenda.

"I don't know, I got some serious food poisoning at the shower yesterday. I feel better this morning..." I gasped as Taylor's hand connected with a part of my body that was wholly unexpected. I grabbed his wrist and moved his hand away from me. "Taylor!"

"What?" Both Jarrod and Taylor asked at the same moment. Taylor looked at me with his big eyes filled with innocence and light.

"Why?" Taylor growled directly into my ear. We were already dangerously late; sex was out of the question. Usually, his playfulness was endearing and sweet, but right now, I found his insistence annoying. "Just a quickie..."

"Yes, I suggest movement," Jarrod said. "A quickie is probably out of the question."

"I thought it was hilarious," he sighed. "I'll meet you at the club to help set up. How long will you need?"

"Oh crap, we've got to go out to Bixby and back to American Bush before the dinner party." I answered as I got out of bed, leaving behind a very disappointed looking Taylor. "I don't know how long..."

"I don't know. Maybe you should just drop off your stuff and head into the city. I can hurry and hang the banners before we head in to dinner." I said watching as Taylor stretched. He was so enticing laying there nude, his feet tangled in the sheets, his hair all mussed, his lips moist and swollen. Speaking of swollen, I knew why he was so bent on a quickie.

"I'll go and unload my car. Then wait for you." Jarrod answered. "That is a lot to do in only three hours. I think you'll need some help."

"I know, I guess I'll see you as soon as we're both up and dressed." I said stretching, enjoying the feeling of my back snapping into place. "See you very soon."

"Why?" Taylor asked through an enormous yawn. "We've got time. Come on, just a quickie..."

"And who would that be good for? Me? You?" I asked before I walked out of the room and into the bathroom. I mean a quickie was usually only good for one person and it was generally the male half of the quickie. And really, I wasn't feeling very well still. I must have gotten the food poisoning from something I ate before the shower.

I climbed into the shower, completely expecting Taylor to join me. If he had things would have gone the way he wanted. I was feeling much more amenable. But he never came in. In fact, I was most of the way through a very lengthy shower before Taylor wandered into the bathroom with nary a stitch of clothing on. By then, I was irritated because his lollygagging was going to make us even later. Damn those Hansons and their non-sense of time. "Hey..."

"Hey," he said stepping up to the sink and starting the process of keeping his pearly whites, pearly white. "I called Zac and he's going to bring in the decorations and the other stuff."

"So, now we don't have to go all the way to the house." Taylor said around a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Very interesting," I said as I finished rinsing my hair. I figured if I just ignored him, he would get the hint. "Are you going to take a shower?"

"No, I took one yesterday and then I did next to nothing." He answered. "What is your sudden obsession with cleanliness?"

"Fine," he said following me back into the bedroom. "We're supposed to meet Zac in about twenty-five minutes anyway. Do you want to go grab some breakfast?"

"No, we're going to Zio's in like two and a half hours..." I shot back as I started to get dressed. "Why would we go get food?"

"But, I'm really hungry and you have nothing to eat in this apartment." He said as he pulled on a pair of jeans. "And we probably won't eat until after 7:00 cause you know Zio's isn't fast, besides there will be tons of us and that will slow it down even more."

"Okay, then we can go to a drive up and get you something." I was hurriedly pulling my hair up in a French twist, so we could get going.

"Why do you always pull your hair up?" Taylor asked as he tucked his t-shirt in. "I love when you leave it down."

"My mom leaves hers down most days and hers is longer than yours." Taylor said settling on the edge of the bed to pull on his shoes and socks.

"Well, your mother is a better woman than I am." I said grabbing the sheets and flipping them back up. "Tay move, I want to make the bed."

"Why make the bed?" He asked reaching under him and throwing the clean laundry that I'd folded the day before onto the floor.

"Do what?" He asked stretching his long legs out in front of him and placing his feet squarely on the clean clothes he'd just chucked on the floor.

"Put your feet on the clean clothes?" I asked just annoyed at him and how he was acting.

"Jesus, I didn't know they were clean." He said leaning down and picking them up. "I figured they were dirty clothes since they were just piled on the chair."

"Whatever," I said snatching the clothes out of his hands and putting them on the end of the bed. "There is no reason to throw them on the floor even if they are dirty. The laundry hamper is like less than an arms length away from you."

"Whatever," he said as he retreated out of my room. I heard the television click on.

"A lot better," I said as I continued to straighten the room. Taylor is a slob, no doubt about that. This expecting me to pick up after him was going to have to stop. And soon. "How is everyone out that way?"

"Well, Amber and Megan both were really sick too," Emory said. "And Eve is still in bed. She is just green."

"Ugh, I can feel her pain." I said looking down the hall to where Taylor sat pouting. "I wonder what made us sick?"

"I have no clue, but Eve says all American food is poison." Emory answered. "I was calling to see how you were. And are you really going to the bachelor party tonight?"

"Well, I want you to go, make sure nothing crazy happens." Emory said quietly. "I mean, everything seems good between Ike and Tay, but I just think someone needs to be there to diffuse any tension."

"Cleo, I think they'll listen to you. Especially if things get out of hand," she said absently. If that really was the reason she wanted me to go to the party, she was seriously deluded. No one listened to me even when they should. I could hear talking and yelling in the background. "Ike and Mac are here… I guess we're going to the mall for a few to get Mac some new dress shoes."

I stood there holding the phone wondering exactly what I had gotten myself into, what sort of craziness was going to take place tonight. Standing in front of a mirror, I noticed that I looked like a total slob. No style, no panache, no nothing. True I was going to a bachelor party with a bunch of guys I know. And to a man, they didn't care how I looked, but sometimes a girl just wants to dress up. So, I opened my closet to get something nicer out.

"Cleo? What are you doing?" Taylor called back annoyed. His voice had a sharp edge to it that I recognized. It was the I-want-my-way-now voice. He usually reserved that for the studio or for his brothers. "We're supposed to be meeting Zac in five minutes."

"You looked fine!" Taylor said sharply. I heard him click the television off and come stomping down the hall. "Why are you changing?"

"I don't know, it's a party," I said shrugging. I had pulled out a really pretty halter dress.

"What are you going to dance for tips?" Taylor asked fingering the dress as I changed into a strapless bra.

"It's just, isn't this a little too sexy for a bachelor party with a bunch of Ike's drunk friends…" he asked holding up the tiny little dress.

"They're my friends too… and yours!" I said snatching the dress out of his hands and pulling it on over my head.

"I know, but they'll be drunk." Taylor said watching as I zipped the dress up. I had bought it in New York where it fit like a glove, now it was a little baggy and gaping open in a few places. "I just don't want people to get the wrong idea."

"What idea would that be?" I demanded as I ripped off my panties to pull on a thong.

"No, I don't think that a thong is a good idea." Taylor said sitting down on the bed.

"Really? Well, it's not really any of your business what foundation garments I wear." I said opening a drawer and yanking out a pair of black fishnet stockings. He snorted in derision as I adjusted them so the seam went up the back of my leg. I pulled open another drawer and fished out my long neglected makeup bag.

"I'm putting on some makeup, is that okay?" I asked turning on him. "Or should I go without any makeup… Maybe I should put my hair in braids and borrow a boring, too-much-fabric, Sunday dress from Marci's mom, does that sound okay?"

"That isn't what I meant," he defended himself. "We're running late and you're making us later."

"My God, you haven't been anywhere on time for years!" I said laughing. "Why start now?"

"Fine," Taylor said lying down. I was mostly done after about five minutes. I'm not too big with the whole makeup regime. I had reached up and pulled the chopstick holding my French twist in, when Taylor stood up and ripped off his shirt.

"I'm going to take a shower." He said as he slammed the bathroom door shut. And that is what he did. He took such a long shower, I was pretty sure he had used all of the hot water long before I heard the water stop.

By the time he was done with his shower, I was sitting in the living room fuming. We were officially thirty minutes late for our meeting with Zac. It was quickly closing in on 5:00. As I sat watching some horrid television show, I kept thinking of lots of really mean and bitter things to say to him. Many of them called into question his manhood. But really, they were even too mean for me. For a few seconds, I considered making myself cry, but that was a low blow. In the end, I was so pissed I could barely even think, let alone verbalize. Taylor and I had been getting along very well. This day came out of nowhere, but then again, we were both highly irritated at something and taking it out on each other.

I settled on just glaring at his back as he walked from the bathroom to my room. When he finally emerged, he was radiant. His hair was clean and shiny, his skin pink from the warm water. He was dressed just as I liked him, low-slung jeans and a white oxford over a t-shirt. "Ready to go?"

"Surprise," he said his tone sarcastic. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought he was Zac.

"Actually, yes, I did." He said settling on the couch next to me to pull on his shoes. "And I was good, thank you very much."

"I'm sure." I said standing and smoothing the wrinkles in the front of my dress. "You always seem to impress yourself."

"Yes, I'm the best lover I've ever had." He said as he walked out the door. Taylor has really long legs, so I found myself having to practically run to stay caught up with him. This was only made more difficult by the silly, high, strappy shoes I had chosen. Add the fact that I had a silly little bag and a gorgeous shawl to that… I felt like I was juggling. Taylor had the car started, pulled out and had time to get out and open my door before I caught up.

We arrived at Nordaggio's before either of us said a word. As I walked in, my heel got caught in the quirky, fake cobblestones. I grabbed onto Taylor to keep myself from falling. Unfortunately, I lost my grip on my handbag and it went skittering across the floor spilling its contents on its way. As I leaned down to pick up my sundries, I kept stepping on the fringe of my shawl. "Oh yeah, that outfit's practical." Taylor whispered in my ear as we stood in line.

"Bite me," I said as I finally got myself collected. I was done being with him. I sat at a table watching him as he socialized with the people in line. One of the girls in front of him looked like she was going to drop her coffee when she turned and found Taylor Hanson standing behind her. I could kind of hear what they were saying. Apparently, she was in Tulsa taking school tours and hoping against hope that she would run into someone of the Hanson variety. Taylor smiled graciously and posed for pictures. He smiled enormously, his blue eyes dancing with mirth. And that just pissed me off. I was angry and miserable and I wanted him to feel the same way.

"Well, so are you!" I snapped following him back out to the car. Paying very special attention to the cobblestone. I was tempted to tell him to just go without me. That I wanted to go home and be in a pissy mood.

"I don't have a problem." I answered rolling my eyes. "It's just sometimes I wonder if you love me or if I'm just a toy."

"Oh please," he said shaking his head as he expertly maneuvered out onto Memorial Drive. "That is just plain ridiculous. If all I wanted was a piece of ass, I'd definitely pick an easier woman."

"What?" I said fighting the urge to throw my hot coffee on him. "What does that mean?"

"It means what it means," he answered as he moved seamlessly through traffic. "It means that if all I wanted was some cooch, I'd pick someone with a lot less emotional baggage."

"Well, maybe me and my baggage should just let you find some easy ass." My voice came out much more teary than I realized it would. I didn't even know that I was that close to tears.

"But baby," he said smoothing his hand along my thigh, squeezing my knee, "I wouldn't want anyone else. With anyone else, I would always wonder what they wanted. But not with you. Seriously, there has never a question as to whether or not you're with me cause of me. You're difficulty is what makes me truly understand that you are here cause you want to be… Not for other reasons."

"I'm here cause I love you," I said my voice angry. I hated that he made me feel like this. I wanted to cry and beg his forgiveness, but I also wanted to slug him, hard.

"I know," Taylor said reaching for my hand. I slapped it away again. He wasn't going to just get forgiven that easily. I wanted him to feel as badly as I did. Right that minute, I felt like screaming. I felt like raging against something. Anything would do. "Despite all of your protestations and prickliness, I know that you love me."

"Don't be too sure," I muttered into my coffee. The look on his face as I uttered those words wounded me. And really there can be no doubt that they cut him to the quick. I was a horrible, rotten person. And I was too proud to say I'm sorry or I really do love you or even to admit I was being completely unreasonable. Actually, I totally loved him. But, I didn't think I could even talk. I was so overwhelmed. Suddenly all sorts of strange and conflicting feelings, including one that included me grabbing the steering wheel and driving us directly into oncoming traffic kept surfacing. I felt like I was the main attraction in a carnival, the amazing roller coaster Cleo. I was dizzy with the changes in mood, the highs and lows just coming too fast for me to acclimate. I was pretty sure I wanted off this ride.

"What do you say we just not talk?" Taylor said sighing. I think he was getting sick of this ride too. And that made me panic. What if he decided I was too much work? What if I was just too much one day? I opened my mouth several times to tell him I was sorry, but the words just didn't come. So, the rest of the ride to American Bush was quiet. Profoundly so. No talking, no music, nothing.

Instead, I watched the scenery of Tulsa flow by as we sped towards the strip club. Tulsa was quickly becoming a memory as we headed for Okmulgee County. Most people have the idea that Oklahoma is endless dusty stretches and empty fields, but that is just not true. At least not around Tulsa. Tulsa is green. Very much so. 78th Street where we grew up was practically a rain forest it was so verdant. Okay, maybe rain forest is an exaggeration, but in the spring and summer, it felt that way. All along the freeway, there were thick lush trees.

As the houses became more and more sparse, I realized going to this party was nothing but a bad idea. This idea was yet another in a never-ending series of unwise decisions. Decisions that seemed to send my life spiraling in directions divergent from the path I wanted to follow. Some days it felt like I was lost. Totally lost. And today was the worst I'd felt in a very long time. Which was saying a lot. Emotions were pinging under my skin one right after the other, making me feel jumpy and itchy. I found no comfort in my own skin. I wanted everything to stop. To become normal and just stop.

Taylor sat next to me the one and only constant in my life. I don't know why I do these things to the one person I know will always be there for me. Why would I say such hard and uncaring things? Sometimes, I felt like I didn't belong here with him. I wasn't meant for so much perfection. Not that I truly believed him perfect, far from it. But he was so much calmer and less reactionary than I was. He was my rock that never crumbled, the anchor I could attach my line to, the solid foundation on which I was building my future.

He loved me. I knew how much he loved me. Partially because he did wait for me to get over my running away the year before. He was right; I wasn't an easy person. I knew this, but it still stung hearing him say as much. Also, the fact he would even say it scared me. What if he was getting tired of playing the game my way? What if he decided that I really was too much work? What if he wanted to be the one taken care of? Really, the fact that he loved me despite my insanity always gave me hope. But how many times could I push it like this? How often would he forgive me?

Really, I wasn't quite sure. But he seemed to have a boundless capacity in the forgiveness department, especially where I was concerned. Even if I was being a brat today, I was positive he would let it all go. I mean the day had started badly for both of us. I was bugging him and he was bugging me. Today was a mutual thing. And all I knew was that everything he had said so far today had just rubbed me the wrong way. Besides, his patience was pretty much legendary. He was the one who could sit for hours with his younger siblings and practice writing.

As my mind raced along with the car, I wanted to turn to him and beg his forgiveness. Tell him I had been an idiot all day. I was just feeling like hell on toast. It wasn't him. It never had been him, but he was taking the brunt of my ire. I turned to look at him, his eyes glued to the unfamiliar road. His face was a study in seriousness. My own personal Botticielli in sunglasses. I reached out for his hand just as he reached for his coffee. As the backs of our hands smacked, he mumbled "sorry" under his breath. I hated the way he flinched away almost as if were going to burn him.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I heard Taylor's stomach growl; poor boy, I should have let him stop for food. Taylor has the fastest metabolism on record and he basically needs to eat every three hours. We'd slept for well over twelve. He had to be starving. But I wanted to be right. I wanted this day to be a victory for me. The parking lot of American Bush was seriously empty. There were three cars. One I recognized as Jarrod's hammered old pick-up, one I didn't recognize at all, and the third was an enormous blue pick-up that belonged to Zac.

The emptiness of the parking lot was thanks to Okmulgee County blue laws; strip clubs aren't allowed to open on Sundays. But Jarrod knew the woman who owned it and he'd pulled some strings. We really only needed someplace to have the party. And of course somewhere for the prerequisite strippers to dance.

It all felt very backwoods and Deliverance pulling up to the clapboard building with its dirt parking lot and the thick trees all around. Lying on the back gate of an enormous, shiny, blue pickup was Zac; he had his face turned toward the sun, trying to catch the final sun of the day. Or he was just honestly asleep. We were a little over an hour late thanks to our dueling showers. Taylor honked as he pulled up next to him. Zac jumped, then flipped Taylor off as he sat up.

"Cleo had a sudden fit of cleanliness," Taylor said grabbing a box out of the back of Zac's truck.

"Well, you've cleaned up nicely," Zac said grabbing a box too. "Are you going to have your own pole tonight?"

"Both of you have such winning personalities this evening," Zac answered rolling his eyes.

I stepped into the cool, dark bar. As my eyes adjusted, I noticed that it smelled of beer and cigarettes with a faint undercurrent of sex. Just like every other bar in America. The world really. The thought of what really went on here scared me in a strange basic way. It made me want to go and grab Taylor and hold onto him. I finally understood why strip bars are so threatening to so many women. Here were gorgeous, perfect women. Women who were ready to do anything, or so it seemed. In my mind, I had always believed Taylor was above wanting to go to a strip club. And yet, here he was with me no less. Or maybe, I should look at it as at least I was here with him. But it was a big space to have this blow out party.

The deal with the bar was this: American Bush was officially closed, we could have any age there, we could have strippers, we could do what we wanted, but they wouldn't sell us any alcohol. That was a very easy situation to fix: we would provide our own alcohol. So, earlier that week, Jarrod and I had gone to a Costco just over the border in Texas and bought a lot of beer. We'd filled the back of his horrid old pick up with beer. In fact, at one point in time, I thought his truck wasn't going to make it up a hill it was so loaded down with beer. That doesn't even include the liquor Zac and I picked up. We had walked along the aisles of the local liquor store grabbing two gallons of every type of alcohol we came across. Including many, many bottles of Scotch, Isaac's new drink of choice. And, we had hired a bus to drive all of our friends out here and back to Tulsa, since we were about twenty miles out of the city.

Taylor somehow managed to get the door open with only one hand. He held it as Zac and I walked into the very dark bar.

"Good afternoon sunshine!" Jarrod said as he slung his arm around my neck, giving me into a pseudo-hug, before rescuing me from the box. "You look dead sexy."

"You're such an ass." I answered, turning to glare at Zac but coming nose to nose with Taylor. Taylor had always been my great defender, my knight in shining armor. I expected him to tell Zac to shut up. But instead, he just shrugged past me, his hands loaded down with a box filled with various liquors. I watched him walking, his shoulders bowed under the weight of something I couldn't see.

"Yeah, when Tay called me he said you were being a..." Zac said pausing as if he couldn't remember exactly what it was that Taylor called me. "What was that Tay?"

"Shut up," Taylor growled as he dropped the box he was carrying onto the bar. The bottles clanked scarily.

"Oh, I remember now, it was: bitch." Zac said setting his box down. "Isn't that interesting?"

I flushed hot and felt an instant sensation of needing to just lean over and throw up on the floor. No wonder Taylor hadn't defended me; he was disgusted with me. In all the years of knowing him, he had never called me a bitch. Even when I deserved it. I wanted to glare at Taylor's retreating back. But instead, I just stood there mouth open, eyes welling up with tears. "Whatever," I mumbled as I turned around to go back out and get another box. "I honestly don't care."

"Tay and Doofus are having a lover's feud," Zac said shrugging. He looked confused. He thought his jokes were funny and couldn't figure out why no one was laughing. I could see actual concern on his face, cause normally, I'd be laughing and teasing him back. But not today. "Apparently, it has totally killed their sense of humor."

Taylor came back in with another box in his arms. Jarrod took it and settled it onto the bar. "Are there any more boxes?"

"One more, Zac can get it." Taylor said softly. He settled into the chair across the table from me, his hand was resting on the table inches from mine. For a split second our eyes locked before he looked away. He reached out and fixed my engagement ring that had slid around so the diamond wasn't standing straight up. His hand lingered for a moment, his fingers almost laced through mine, then he pulled away. "It's almost 6:30. If we're going to make it to dinner, we need to go."

"I think we'll be lucky to get there by 7:00 at this rate," Jarrod said as he pulled open the box with the decorations in it.

"Why don't you guys go to eat, I'll stay and decorate," I said reaching for Taylor's hand just as he pulled it away.

"I don't know if I trust you," Jarrod said squeezing my shoulder. For some reason that gentle pressure seemed to alleviate a little of the pressure I felt. I looked up into his warm, brown eyes and was grateful he was here. "I mean you have some pretty questionable taste."

"I do not!" I protested as he grabbed my hands and pulled me upright. He twirled me around like a top, my skirt flaring out.

"Look at who you're marrying? Sketchy choice at best," Jarrod said dipping me back. He tangoed me across the room to the box standing open on the stage. "Come my love, help me hang this banner."

"Okay," I answered following him. The banner was huge and it said "Another One Bites The Dust" in three-foot high letters. I stepped up on the stage following him. "So, are you going to throw Taylor a bachelor party?"

"No, he said he didn't want one," Jarrod said looking at me with very serious eyes.

"What do you mean?" I asked looking away. I didn't know how to answer that question. What was the problem? I wasn't completely sure I could answer that.

"There is very obviously trouble in paradise," Jarrod said as he took a tack from the box I was carrying. "I know the look on your face."

"The "I-hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it" look." Jarrod said smoothing down the banner. It was an impressive banner. As we tacked it up, we moved farther and farther down the stage away from each other. Jarrod finished first and walked back over to where I stood.

"I don't know," I said shrugging as I settled next him. I put my head on his shoulder and sighed. Taylor sat at the table where I had left him. He just sat as Zac walked around placing bowls filled with peanuts and pretzels around the room. "It's like I have PMS on steroids. Everything Taylor has said or done today is just getting under my skin."

"Ah, so you deserved to be called a bitch," Jarrod asked as I sat down next to him. Taylor began tracing patterns on the table with his fingertips. It looked like he was spelling out words. The woman behind the bar called both he and Zac over. "Cleo, you are, as Sheryl Crow says, "the difficult kind"."

"There is always a "but" with you," Jarrod said slinging his arm around my neck. "That was the one thing we could count on with you, there was always some great overriding reason why you did everything. I think you could justify any sin with a "yeah, but..." You are amazing."

"BUT, he isn't being a whole lot nicer." I said watching Taylor and Zac talking to the woman standing behind the bar. She looked rough, amazingly so. Her hair was the brilliant blonde that just looks like it would cut my hand if I tried to run my hands through it. She had on a very small and very tight tank top. She was leaning across the bar and flirting mercilessly with Taylor and Zac. She walked around from behind the bar and started to walk out of the room with the boys in tow. Her boots went up past her knees and had to be at least six inches tall; they stopped just below the skiff of fabric that was supposed to pass for shorts.

As she took packages of glasses out of a closet, her face was set in a tight, grim expression. The expression of someone who had seen way too much in his or her lifetime. Taylor dropped his bag of plastic cups and whatever Taylor said made her laugh. She threw her head back and a light, tinkling laugh came pouring out of her. The smile changed the look of her face, made her look twenty years younger. But really, Taylor had that power over people; he seemed to bring out the best in everyone.

"Come on sourpuss," Jarrod whispered in my ear. "So, what are we gonna do? Do we all want to pile in one car and drive in together? Should we each drive? What?"

"I think I'll leave my truck here," Zac said. "It would be a waste to drive it into Tulsa and leave it in a parking lot there when I live closer to the bar than Zio's."

"And I live closer to Zio's," Jarrod said shrugging. "I think I'll take my truck. What about you Tay?"

"It doesn't matter," Taylor said shrugging. His eyes met mine. "What do you want Cleo?"

"I want to ride with you." I said quietly. In my head, I was making all sorts of grand plans about how I was going apologize to Taylor. Tell him he was right I was being a bitch. Promise to never act this way again.

"I'm sure," Zac said following him. "So, who are the strippers tonight? Anyone I know?"

"Yes!! Well, first there's…" but I never heard who the strippers were because Jarrod slammed the door to his truck closed.

I climbed into Taylor's car and he quickly joined me. He reached into his pocket, but didn't find his keys. "Crap."

"Tay, you're not that blonde," I muttered. And immediately regretted it. For someone who was about to throw herself on Taylor's mercy, I was sure acting unrepentant.

"It's just that you have this habit of being such an airhead…" I said regretting the words as they left my mouth. The hole just kept getting deeper and deeper and deeper. "It's not cute that you are so forgetful or thoughtless."

"Screw you," I said turning away from him. This conversation was going nowhere but bad places. And I'd had such high hopes for it going another direction. Taylor and I were both very hungry.

"Cleo, I think we should stick with the no talking," he said as he got out of the car and slammed the door. I watched him disappear into the bar and reappear seconds later jingling his keys in his hand. He climbed back into his seat and revved his baby to life. He loved this car. He took amazing care of it. In fact, he had kept his Pathfinder because he didn't like taking the little ones in his fantastic BMW. I knew it had to be killing him to drive his beautifully maintained black car on this dirt road. But soon enough, we were on the main, paved road on the way to the freeway back into town. And, it looked like we were going to stick with his suggestion and just not talk.

Suddenly, as we were descending into a swale, the car started bucking and pulling. "Oh shit!" Taylor spat as he pulled over.

"What's that?" I asked. The sudden pulling was scary. And the fact Taylor was having such a hard time controlling his very easily driven car was also alarming. By the pull and the sound, I would say we had a flat tire.

"Son of a bitch!" He spat putting real emphasis on the word bitch. We came to a stop at the bottom of the swale, a substantial hill in front of us and another behind. Taylor just leaned his head back on the headrest and put his hands over his face. When he lowered his hands, his face showed a lot of strain. He looked so lost and sad. "Oh fuck..."

"Of course," Taylor said throwing his door open. He popped the trunk and got out. I followed, not exactly sure what help I could offer, but I wanted to help him. As I stepped out of the car, I was greeted by an impressive stream of obscenities. Taylor was leaning over his trunk, his head hanging down just cussing.

"Zac has my jack." Taylor said a bitter sounding laugh coming out of him. "He wanted it to lift up something last week, something in the studio and his was too big and Ike's was too dirty."

"No, Cleo, we don't!" Taylor snapped at me. He was truly angry, something I hadn't seen very often.

"Well, can I call someone?" I asked trying to sound soothing. "I know you have AAA cause I just renewed it for you."

"Fine," Taylor said kicking at the dirt on the side of the road. "We are so not going to get to Zio's with time to eat."

"We will," I reassured as I climbed back into the car. We probably wouldn't, but we could go to Taco Bueno or Wendy's or something. Once I found his AAA card, I grabbed his phone off the center console. I pressed the talk button, only to be greeted with the "searching for network" screen. This was just fantastic. Apparently, we had come to rest in the one spot in all of Oklahoma that didn't have service. I climbed out of the car. "Um, Tay..." But Taylor wasn't there. He wasn't standing at the back of the car. "Taylor?"

"What?" His voice floated back to me from over by the trees. He was sitting with his back against a tree.

"Fine, you do that." He said leaning his head back and closing his eyes. I wasn't sure exactly what was wrong, but I had a pretty good idea that all of this was my fault. Honestly, I had no idea why I was in such a horrid mood or why I was being so evil to Taylor, but I was. I resolved to be much nicer once I got someone on the phone to come and help us. Even if it had to be Walker or my dad, I was going to get help. Unfortunately, the hills were very steep and pretty high and I was in the stupidest shoes on record. But, for some reason, I felt like this was largely my fault and I needed to do something to fix it.

I got to the top of the hill and started dialing. But, the batteries were dangerously low. I hurried and dialed. If whoever was on the other end of the line answered quickly, we were good. If not? We might be here until the party returned because I didn't have my cell phone. My silly little purse wasn't big enough for it. Soon, the recording was playing in my ear. "Press one for roadside service..." I hit the one. "Thank you for calling AAA of Oklahoma. For quality control, this call may be recorded or monitored. Please stay on the line for the next available operator. Due to the high volume of calls, your wait time will be seven minutes."

At that moment, I had a choice to make. I could stay on the line and hope that the cell phone battery lasted that long. Or, I could hang up and call someone else. The thing was Zac didn't have his truck, Jarrod wanted to leave his truck in Tulsa so he didn't have to drive back into the city from American Bush and I wasn't entirely sure I wanted my dad or Walker to know where tonight's bachelor party was being held. So, I opted for holding. And I prayed the battery wouldn't die.

So, there I stood in the middle of nowhere, dressed in a very expensive silk-halter dress and stupid shoes waiting for someone to answer the phone. I ignored the beep, beep of the phone letting me know it was about to die. This had to work. It just had to. Unfortunately, five minutes into the call, his phone died completely. I sighed as I began my trek back down the hill. Every bad word he'd said earlier came pouring out of me.

"Were you able to get a hold of anyone?" Taylor asked as I got close to him. He was leaning against the back fender of his car.

"Your batteries are completely dead," I answered showing him his phone. "Do you have your car charger?"

"No," Taylor said shrugging. "And what good would it do? You said there is no service down here. Why didn't you just use your phone?"

"Give me your phone, I'll go up the hill this time." Taylor said reaching out his hand towards me.

"You didn't bring your phone?" He asked the edge of anger creeping back in. I was pretty sure I was about to hear another stream of not so pretty language.

"No, I didn't," I answered rubbing my forehead. This day couldn't possibly get worse.

"Oh well," Taylor said sighing. There was something in his sigh that broke my heart; it was almost as if he were just completely giving up. It sounded like the sigh of a man who had just been taken off of life support. The death rattle of his will. I didn't want him to give up on me, on us... But it felt like that may have just happened. "I guess we'll have to just wait until someone drives by..."

"Maybe Ike or Zac will notice we aren't there and send out search parties," I said hoping against hope that was the situation. I leaned up against the car next to him. His arm automatically found it's way around my waist, pulling me in tight. As he held me, I could feel his stomach churning. He was so hungry. Maybe he wasn't giving up on us, maybe he was just hungry and exhausted and ready for this day to be over. "If nothing else, maybe they'll bring us some food."

"I think it's much more likely that they'll think we've gone back to your apartment to have raucous make-up sex." Taylor observed.

"I know, so am I," he said moving his hand up into my hair. He kissed me on the crown of my head and pulled me in tight. "It's been so hard..."

I almost asked him what he meant by that, but I didn't cause I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer. I didn't want to know anymore bad things. I liked it better when I was only good adjectives. Taylor had come up with at least one not nice, but oh-so-descriptive word to describe me. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

Eventually, we were both sitting on the trunk of his car the flashers on waiting for a car to drive by. It was fully dark and pretty chilly before we saw a light cresting one of the hills. Both of us jumped off the car and were standing in the road waving our arms before the car began its descent into the swale. It was an ancient pick-up truck.

"How y'all doing?" A man who had most likely been alive during the ice age asked.

"Not a good combination," old guy observed as he pulled up in front of Taylor's BMW. "Whoo-ee, nice car son!"

"And what a nice little lady you've got there," he said nodding towards me. I smiled uncomfortably as he grinned salaciously at me.

"Thanks," Taylor said as the old guy started to rummage in the tool chest in the bed of his truck. Soon, he had an ancient jack in his hand.

"Well, young man, since you're going to be using my tools, I think we ought to introduce ourselves," Ancient guy said holding out his hand. "My name's Chuck."

"I'm Taylor and this is my... fiancée, Cleo." The pause before the word fiancée was very short, almost imperceptible, but it had been there.

"So, where you headed?" He asked as he fitted the jack under Taylor's bumper. He was obviously very used to working with his hands, because all of his movements had the surety of a surgeon. Albeit a much less skilled surgeon than someone like my father, but a man of skills nonetheless. "I only ask cause this here area is not very well traveled. At least not on Sunday evenings."

"We're having a bachelor party for my brother at the bar..." Taylor started to explain.

"Are you one of those fancy dancers?" Chuck asked squinting up at me in the half-light.

"What? No!" I said outraged. I pulled the shawl around me tighter. This dress was not that revealing. It really wasn't. I think honestly what everyone had been reacting to was the fact that I was in a dress. Or at least I had hoped that was it. "What in the world would make you think that?"

"I only say that cause we don't see a lot of girls all dolled up out this way." He said as he began to loosen the bolts. Soon, he had the tire off and rolled it towards Taylor. "And fewer still on their way to a bachelor party."

"Well, Cleo's special," Taylor said as he took the flat tire and rolled it back around to his trunk.

"I'd have to agree," he said as he began to tighten the bolts back onto the spare. "Well Taylor, your fancy car is ready to roll."

"Naw, just being neighborly," Chuck said as he climbed back into his truck. "Good luck with tonight."

"Thanks," Taylor said as Chuck's car roared to life, belching thick black smoke. As Chuck drove away, there were new lights cresting the hill. A chartered bus pulled into view. The very bus that was carrying our party. "Oh man, it's 9:00."

"Really?" I asked feeling my stomach lurch uncomfortably. I was very hungry. "I can't believe we just sat here and waited that long..."

"This day feels like it has been nothing but sitting and waiting for something to happen." Taylor said as the bus pulled up even with us. "Hey!!"

"What are you doing here?" A pretty tipsy Isaac called out the open window. "You stopped for a quickie here?"

"No, don't be ridiculous. I got a flat and Zac still has the jack in the studio." Taylor explained.

"Why didn't you call someone?" Zac asked as he stumbled around the front of the bus. He had obviously already had a couple of beers.

"Smooth move," Zac said coming around to my side of the car. He grabbed me in a huge hug. "And really, that is some outfit. Come dance for me, my lady in red!!"

"Zac, get your hands off me!" I said pushing him off me. "You stink like three day old pizza and a spilled beer!"

"Yeah, it's all good." Taylor answered. "We were just on our way to find some food..."

"There will be munchies there," Jarrod pointed out. "I'm not saying you HAVE to come to the party now, but it would be nice."

I climbed into the car and sighed. I didn't want to go to this party. I wanted to go home, make a big bowl of chicken noodle soup and curl up on the couch to read. Taylor and I pulled into the parking lot right behind the bus. I watched as the bus disgorged approximately fifty young men. All of whom I knew. All of whom had already started drinking. Taylor got out of the car and was immediately greeted by the masses. I watched amazed as he moved smoothly through the crowd, hugging cousins he hadn't seen for a while and high-fiving friends he had probably seen the day before. He was in his element surrounded by people who knew and loved him.

I smiled as Isaac gave Taylor a huge hug. Quickly, the two of them were lost in some conversation that made them both smile. Taylor appeared to be telling him about the flat tire and our fateful meeting with Chuck cause he squatted down and the made the same leering face Chuck kept making at me. Taylor had the small group of guys gathered around him laughing hysterically. He was definitely on one. Too bad, his good humor didn't extend to me. Zac looked over to where I sat. He smiled as he walked to me. "Hey, come on. Get out of the car."

"Zac, I have such a bad feeling about this." I said as he grabbed my hand to help me out of the car. "Have you ever gone into a situation you know can only end badly?"

"Cleo, I think you're being a little dramatic." Zac said as we walked up the steps. "Everything will be okay. It's you and Tay, so it has to be."

"I suppose," I said following him up to the bar. To my surprise, Taylor already had a large drink in his hand. He was telling someone else the story of Chuck, including a fairly good parody of my reaction to his question about whether or not I was a stripper. I rolled my eyes as everyone started laughing.

"Cleo," Jed called from where he stood next to Taylor. "What time is your turn up on the stage?"

"Charming Jed," I said as I reached out and grabbed Taylor's drink. "You only wish you could get a look at this."

"Don't worry, you're not missing much." Taylor said as he took his drink back after I'd drained a sizable portion. "Hey! You're getting lipstick on my glass! What did you call that red? Wasn't it Come-Fuck-Me red?"

"Why, yes. And that's not what you said earlier today when you were begging me to have sex with you," I snapped back.

"Hmmm…" I said raising an eyebrow. "Too bad you don't have the equipment to satisfy a real woman. Although, Fifi the French maid blow-up doll looks happy."

"You're saying that Tay comes fully equipped?" Zac asked. "We all know that I pack the real heat in this family."

"Dream on little brother," Taylor said slinging his arm across my shoulders. "I am more than adequately equipped…"

"I'm a fantastic actress." I said batting my eyes at a very annoyed looking Taylor. "Meg Ryan has nothing on me."

"Not that good honey," Taylor said taking his drink back. "And if I remember correctly, you were the one begging for it not so recently."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up the truck!" Ray asked his eyes enormous. "Zac has seen Cleo naked?"

"I'm going elsewhere," I said turning and walking away. As I sat at a table as far from the bar as I could get. They all started laughing hard. At that precise moment, I hated all men.

I sat down and watched the craziness. The room was filled with loud pumping music and enough testosterone to light all of west Tulsa. I don't think I'd seen so many chests bumped and high fives slapped in my life. Which is saying a lot since I played soccer on a boys team most of my life. In fact, I think the entire team was here. Drinking. A lot. I began to worry that maybe Zac and I hadn't picked up enough liquor. They were drinking faster than I thought possible, but then again what guys do in packs is always surprising. I was absently picking at my shawl when a drink appeared on the table. I looked up at a smiling Taylor. "What's this?"

"Let's go home." I said grabbing his hand. "Let's just go and be with one another."

"Funny?" I asked rubbing my forehead. I was so tired and I'll be damned if I wasn't a little tipsy just from sipping Taylor's drink.

"I want to see your face when…" He stopped and looked at me, his head tipped, his eyes slits. "I promised not to tell."

"Oh my God, I am so sick of this day." I said stomping my foot. "I just want to go home!"

"Okay, Zoë," Taylor said rolling his eyes. "But I don't want to leave yet. I said that we would leave AFTER the show starts."

"God damn it!! I want to go!" I yelled. Suddenly I was painfully aware that almost every eye in the bar was turned towards me. I must have been quite the picture standing there with my hands on my hips over Taylor. I must have looked like the ultimate fishwife, hair crazy, eyes afire. Zac looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I dropped my arms and sank into the waiting chair. When I spoke again, I was much quieter. "Why don't you want to come home with me?"

"Because I want to stay and be with all my friends and family." Taylor said accepting the beers Zac handed him. Apparently, he had raised his eyebrow at Taylor who had made the international signal for two beers. "And, there is a surprise that I think you will find hilarious!"

"I can't think of one surprise in a strip club I'd like." I pouted. So, he wouldn't take me home. Fine, I could make his life a living hell. "And really, I'm your family."

"You know what I mean," he said rolling his eyes. "You're not blonde, so don't pretend you don't understand. And really, I want to stay."

"Well, I could take the car and go home and you could take the bus back into Tulsa. Jarrod could bring you home."

"But, I want you to stay too." Taylor slurred. "It would mean a lot to me if you stay."

"Why would I want to stay? To watch some sketchy girls take off their clothes and shake their asses in the faces of all the guys I know, so that each and every one of you get some sort of raging hard on?" I snapped. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because, I've asked you to." Taylor said, draining his beer pretty quickly for someone who was already pretty tipsy. "And because you are one of… No, you are Ike's best friend and you should be here."

"Blow everything off," Taylor said slamming his empty drink down. "I swear your answer for everything is: whatever. That is if it isn't "I don't know." For someone with a genius IQ, you sure don't know much."

"That was a low blow," I said quietly, taking the other beer and tipping it back. "Why are you being so mean?"

"Yeah, you say horrible things to me and you make me stay at this party," I sighed deeply.

"Nice, fall back on that." Taylor said as the lights dimmed. "Can't you think of a better comeback? I mean you're pretty smart. I would think you'd be all over creative insults. At least you used to be."

Just then, Jarrod stepped out on the stage dressed as a woman. And he made a very lovely woman. I almost fell out of my chair. Jarrod's chocolate skin glowed under the red lights, his long legs encased in fishnet nylons eerily similar to the ones I had on. The sequined red dress sent prisms of the purest red around the room. I could tell that no one else was expecting this either by the sounds of surprise that circled the room. "Gentlemen and lady, the show is about to begin."

"Come on, sit with me," Taylor said as he stood and grabbed my hand. Jarrod stood on the stage blathering on and on about Isaac.

"What part of I want to go home do you not understand?" I asked as he pulled me towards the stage.

"Please?" He asked batting his eyes at me. "Really, we can leave after the surprise!"

"Jarrod isn't the surprise?" I asked completely dumbfounded by how beautiful and feminine Jarrod looked.

"Not the one I was thinking of," he said back as we wended our way through the crowd toward the front row. There were two chairs up front, one next to Isaac and one next Zac, between he and Tanner. So, I wasn't even going to be able to sit next to Taylor, but two seats away.

"Okay, fine," I growled into his ear. I headed toward the seat next to Isaac, but ended up swerving to miss the suddenly pushed back chair of one of the hundreds of cousins. So, I ended up next to Zac. "Hey sexy."

"There was only one seat by Ike," I explained watching Jarrod walk back and forth as he roasted Isaac. His walk looked eerily familiar.

"I know, but I thought you'd just sit in Tay's lap," Zac whispered. "Give him his own personal lap dance."

"Not very likely," I murmured, watching Jarrod sway and sashay back and forth across the stage. Jarrod was recounting some of Isaac's more embarrassing moments in highly colorful language. He played the part of each of us with spot on accuracy, getting our inflections and the quick punctuation of certain words so perfect.

"Dang, he has your walk DOWN," Zac whispered in my ear as Jarrod stopped in front of me, his hands on his hips, his shoulders cocked. He really had perfected my walk, but then again, he'd probably seen it more than anyone else in the room.

Finally, after about 15 minutes, he began winding down. I was actually really glad I stayed. He had been so funny and quirky, doing almost the entire roast as me. But it wasn't insulting or mean it felt sweet, a true tribute. "So, in conclusion, I just wanted to say that I'm so glad to be invited here today. Excited just to be a part of this wedding that felt inevitable from the time we were kids and he first noticed a girl... Who ironically enough is here tonight. Cleo, can you stand up? No? Well, everyone here knows you anyway... Are you sure you're marrying the right woman?" Jarrod asked walking up to the front of the stage.

"Absolutely! Only someone with a serious amount of the crazy would marry her!!" Isaac said laughing. The whole room joined in.

"Insanity aside, I think Tay may be the only person who can deal with Cleo anyway... Emory is a lot easier. No offense baby." Jarrod smiled sweetly at me while I flipped him off. "Anyway, Ike, here we stand on the threshold of adulthood. All of us trying desperately to remain the carefree youths we always were..." His voice got serious. "We've all tried everything in our power to never become adults and only one of us figured it out. Unfortunately, Thad chose the hard way. I think a moment of silence is in order for the best of the best friends that isn't here tonight... Thad, I raise my glass to you tonight!" I looked around. Not everyone raised a glass, cause not everyone had known him, but I would say more than half the room raised their glasses. The room that had been laughing and joking a moment before was silent and solemn. "Now, let's get this show on the road. Appearing here on our stage, for your visual pleasure, the tantalizing treasure of Tulsa, the juicy joy of Jenks, the oh-so-hot harlot of Oklahoma... Starr Bright!!"

The not-so-subtle chords of Mmmbop came booming out of the speakers as the lights in the room lowered. Suddenly, there was a spotlight on a girl with her back to the audience dressed for all the world like a teenie, right down to Isaac, Taylor and Zac's name scrawled on her arms and legs. She slowly began to undulate to the music. With her back still to the hooting and hollering audience, she began to lift her shirt, showing a strip of skin between her shirt and skintight hot pants. She turned slowly, exposing her flesh inch by inch. As she came full forward, she tipped her head so her long blonde hair covered her face; she lifted the shirt up and exposed a sheer, red bra. She was doing stomach rolls with the skill of a belly dancer. Her hot pants were so low, if she'd had any pubic hair, it would have been showing. I noticed on her right hip, a tattoo of a broken heart with the initials TGB.

She flipped forward as she pulled her shirt over her head, dropping to the floor. Her hair still hung over her face, but there was something so familiar in the way she moved. As she crawled towards Isaac, I noticed the writing on her arms and legs was just on a very sheer body suit, something just for show. She stopped in front of Isaac walking her legs up so she was basically bent in half before him. She stood slowly her hands sliding up and undoing the buttons holding her tiny hot pants on. They dropped to the floor and before the crowd stood the most perfect woman I had ever seen. Things that were supposed to be perky were just that, parts that should be flat were stunningly so. She was tanned and toned and utterly perfect.

She was so perfect I felt my fledgling self-esteem running out the front door without me. I looked down the line of my friends. Zac, Isaac and Taylor all had looks of awe on their faces watching this woman and her flawless body. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her moving but was more interested in her effect on the boys. Their eyes lit up with sheer happiness. Many of them were laughing, but they were all completely enthralled. A red bra suddenly fell into Isaac's lap. I reached across Zac and Isaac to grab Taylor's sleeve. He looked at me quickly and smiled slyly before he stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled shrilly.

I looked up at the object of everyone's affection and jumped out of my chair. "MARCI!" I yelled. She paused for the barest second before returning to her undulations. Zac grabbed my arm and dragged me back into my chair. I sat there stunned, mouth hanging open, watching the broken heart with my brothers initials thrusting and swirling and gyrating just in front of me. "Did you know she was going to be here?" I hissed into Zac's ear.

"What?" He asked not taking his eyes off Marci. "Marci? Here? No, I don't think any of us did except maybe Jarrod." And Taylor. "But damn… she's hot!! I may have to rethink the whole "don't date sluts" rule."

As the music faded away, Marci leaned forward and placed a very sensual kiss on Isaac's mouth. "Good luck tiger," she whispered before getting up and strutting out of the room. Watching her retreat made me feel even more inadequate, because not one thing on her jiggled.

"Cleo, you could so do that!!" Taylor said a little too loudly after watching her non-jiggling backside retreat.

"What?" I asked. Zac and Isaac had both begun to laugh as soon as Taylor had said that.

"Yeah, you totally could," Zac said giggling madly with Tanner. They high fived behind my head.

"In fact, you should!" Isaac said laughing. "I mean think about it, most of us have already seen you naked."

"Or at least all of us seated here." Taylor said smiling at me. All three of them were having a great time at my expense.

"So, it wouldn't bother you if I jumped up onstage right now and started humping a pole?" I asked.

"Not particularly," Taylor answered. He was laughing fairly hard. "You may not have that hard of a body, but you have a kicking rack."

I stood up quickly knocking my chair to the floor. I was again feeling such a huge rush of different emotions. I felt tears rush to my eyes, but I was also so angry I wanted to reach over and claw his eyes out. "What?" I demanded my voice sharp. He knew how I felt about Marci, how dare he lump me with her?

"I'm just saying that you are so beautiful you would make a kick ass stripper." Taylor said a confused look on his face. I knew he was joking. I understood that all of this was done in the strictest of fun and yet, I was beyond upset. "Don't be mad baby..."

"Fuck you Taylor Hanson." I spat before turning on my heel and stomping away. I was outside and half way across the parking lot before I heard the door of the bar slam open.

"Cleo?" I ignored him. I had no desire to say a word to him. Not one word. But, I knew it couldn't be avoided when I heard footsteps jogging across the parking lot. "Cleo, where are you going?"

"Home," I choked out past the lump forming in my throat. I wanted to scream and yell and push him down into the dust. I was so angry that I was on the edge of sobbing.

"You think I'd be a "kick ass" stripper!" I exclaimed. I don't think that there was much question about what I thought of that by the tone of my voice.

"So," he said shrugging. "I meant it as a compliment. You are way prettier than Marci could ever dream of being. And so much sexier."

"Because, it is..." he stammered totally caught off guard by my demand. "Don't you like to be told you're beautiful?"

"Of course I love to hear it..." I said angrily. "But really, I don't think being told I'm pretty enough to be a stripper is much of a compliment!"

"You are so dumb sometimes!" I yelled. "It's right up there with telling me I'd make a great hooker cause I fuck so well!"

"But I meant it as you are so much prettier than anyone else and have such a great body, I would rather watch you." He protested.

"And you want me to take off my clothes for your friends too?" I yelled back. Slowly, the bulk of the crowd from inside was filtering out. I guess this performance was much more interesting than whoever was inside stripping.

"Now, I know that's not what I said!" He said rolling his eyes at me. "And I know that you're smart enough to understand what I meant."

"I already told you!" He screamed back. "Why do you insist on being so childish?"

"I am not!" I screamed my hands in fists. I turned to see about twenty people watching us. I wanted to fight with Taylor in private. I realized the parking lot of a strip bar isn't technically private, still... "What the fuck are you looking at?"

"Cleo, you are way more interesting than a stripper," Zac said raising his glass. It looked like he had moved away from beer and into something harder or Coke.

He just smiled his most winning crooked smile. "No, Cleo, I'm not. I just think your timing for a meltdown is just so fitting, as always."

"Go back inside," Taylor said sighing. "This is just between Cleo and I. And the show is over."

The crowd mumbled as Jarrod herded it back inside. Soon, there were only four of us standing in the parking lot looking at each other. I glared at Isaac, Taylor and Zac, daring them to say something, anything, to me.

"Actually, I find the strippers boring," Isaac said softly. "We can tell the girls to go home and we'll just have a party. How does that sound?"

"I just want to go home," I said quietly. I really did just want to go home. Go home and crawl back into bed with Taylor and pretend that none of this ever happened. This day had started out with the promise of being great, how did it go so wrong? Taylor sighed as he moved back towards the bar. "What are you doing?" I demanded.

"Yes Cleo, I am." Taylor said a hard biting edge to his voice. He had stopped in front of the steps, almost even with Isaac and Zac; they stood there a triumvirate, each part greater than the whole and yet the whole was completely necessary. "I am far too drunk to drive home right now and from the way you're acting, I suspect you are too. Taylor was right, I was feeling more than a little tipsy and all I'd had to drink was a few sips of his drinks and a beer. "So, I'm going to go find someone who isn't drunk to take you home."

"I'm not drunk," Zac said tipping back his drink. "I've been drinking Dr. Pepper since we got here."

"But..." I started then stopped. I was going to protest that my apartment was home. Or should be. But for some reason, I didn't think that argument would hold much water right now. I was doing next to nothing to make him feel welcome.

"I'll take you home," Isaac said. "Or, you can ride with Malcolm and I. He's not drinking..."

"Well, we'll take your car back to Bixby and you can drive Malcolm back to his car tomorrow," Isaac said heading back into the club with Taylor following.

"Yeah, I want to hang with my friends." Taylor said stopping on the bottom step.

"So, even though you know how I feel, you're going to stay?" I was not just irritated, but down right angry.

"My cousins I rarely see are here," Taylor said a particularly unattractive whine to his voice.

"You're going to have a hard time avoiding them the next few days," I snapped back. I was having none of his excuses. And really, that is what it was just a bunch of excuses.

"I just can't believe you'd rather be here with strippers than with me!" I kindly pointed out.

"Stop..." Zac said shaking his head. He knew that what I was saying was hurting Taylor and also that I really didn't mean it.

"Cleo, let's not do this now." He said settling onto the steps leading into the bar. "I just don't know what we were thinking inviting you to this."

"I think I brought up what a bad choice this was several times before the party even started." I protested. "In fact, I tried to get you to take me home several times after I got here."

"I just wanted you here," Isaac said sadly. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't want to make him sad at his party. I never meant to create all this drama.

"Yeah Cleo, you were right. But, you're always right." After that comment, the silence that descended was oppressive. The four of us lost deep within our thoughts. Taylor was the one who finally broke the silence; he sighed tiredly and lowered his head to his knees. Isaac and Zac sat on either side of Taylor. They were there for him no matter what. A united front against a common enemy: me. Zac slid his arm over Taylor's shoulder. I felt tears pricking my eyes. Their closeness despite everything is what I missed most after Thad's death. I didn't have anyone who was there for me without exception. Well, except Taylor. The understanding that I was in the process of pushing away the only person who truly loved me made me panic. I suddenly had this desire to fall to my knees in front of Taylor, to beg his forgiveness. "Cleo, can I ask you something?"

I shrugged, not exactly the best method of answering someone who wasn't looking at you, but my answer nonetheless. I looked at Zac and Isaac wanting some sort of reassurance that I wasn't screwing everything up. But, they just sat there watching this drama unfold, watching me slowly lose it.

"What?" I asked. This simple question chilled me to the core. How could he not know I love him? How could he ask that? Was he trying to shock me? No, that isn't Taylor's style at all. He didn't do things to shock or force confessions. That was my specialty.

"Do you love me? Do you regret being with me?" Taylor said quietly, his voice a heartbreaking plea.

"How can you even ask that?" I asked totally taken aback. He had to know, he just had to. He had to understand just how truly and completely those questions hurt me. But then again, I had been so hateful all day.

"Because, sometimes, I just don't know if you really love me." He whispered. The words hung in the air between us. They were worse than anything he could have physically done to me. I would have preferred a slap or being shaken by the shoulders to those sad words. He lifted his head and looked at me. No tears of sadness, just resignation. "You see I wanted this so badly, I thought that maybe I could... Make you love me somehow."

"But I do love you!" I protested. I could feel a real sense of panic setting in, but I was also angry. Angry that after all we'd been through he still could doubt me. I looked to Zac for help and he just looked away. Isaac was tracing patterns in the dust below his feet. I could just feel how badly Isaac and Zac didn't want to be here for this conversation. I didn't blame them. I didn't want to be here either.

"You probably think you do," he said quietly. There was no fire in his voice, no passion behind his words. He was just quiet and accepting. "But if you did, you wouldn't treat me like this."

"If you have to ask, you'll never get it." He answered a sad smirk on his lips. He was smiling but there was no humor involved.

"No, I have given up everything for you." He said. "Love is all about compromise, a lesson you have yet to learn."

"Wait a second, it wasn't me who was in there saying such horrible and hateful things. It was you!" I said.

"I don't think it's very funny that you want me to get up onstage and take off all my clothing for your friends and family," I yelled.

"Let me? LET ME?" I screamed my blood boiling. "I am a grown woman, there is no letting. I do what I want."

"I don't think I misunderstood a word." I said pulling on my ring. My fingers were bloated so getting my engagement ring off was hard work.

"You are being completely irrational," Taylor said standing up. "You NEED to calm down."

"You know what I need to do?" I asked my ring finally slipping off my finger. "I need to get out of here. I need to get away from you. And I need to not marry you!" With that I threw my ring at him as hard as I could. He tried to catch it, but it hit his hand and bounced off.

"Fine," Taylor said looking on the ground. "Go ahead and walk home. See if I care."

"I'll do that," I said stalking off. As I turned out of the parking lot, I looked back to see Taylor on his hands and knees sifting through the dust of the parking lot with Isaac and Zac. At that moment I hoped he never found that damned ring.

At first, I was so angry that I probably could have jogged the twenty miles home with no problem. But I was in my silly strappy shoes, so I opted for walking. Maybe once I got closer to the freeway I could find a phone to get a ride the rest of the way into town. Soon, I was wishing I hadn't been so rash. My feet were bleeding in a few places from where the silly straps were rubbing. My back was aching from walking on the pavement in high heels. And my stomach was doing something very strange, especially since I hadn't really had much to drink. But then again, I hadn't eaten anything.

The other thing was, I was seriously rethinking my reaction. Or overreaction. I had just had a major knee-jerk reaction to something that was all meant in fun. I knew that. I understood that Taylor was just trying to be funny. But, it hadn't felt funny in the bar. It hadn't felt funny at all. It had hurt. And I had fought back in the way I knew would hurt him the worst. Damn, my fight or flight response! But no matter how badly I hurt him, I had faith that we could fix things. He really was one of the most forgiving people I'd ever met. As I stumbled along, I kept expecting Taylor to pull up behind me. But he never did.

Just as I was getting to the freeway, I heard a car speeding up behind me. I was contemplating carrying my shoes. I was so angry I wanted to spit on the ground. I didn't care who it was; I was not getting in the car with him. They had let me walk this far without a thought of my safety or welfare. Soon, Zac's truck pulled along side me. He slowed to match my pace. "Hey, get in…"

"Cleo?" Zac called after I disappeared. He threw the car into park and was by my side before I could collect myself enough to stand back up. "Cleo? Are you okay?"

"Dang, you covered a serious distance," Zac said grabbing my hand and pulling me up off the ground.

"Aw crap," I said looking down at my dress. I had landed just right so that I tore both my tights and my dress, at least I didn't have skinned knees. "I loved this dress."

"I was just teasing, you are always beautiful," Zac said leaning next to me. "Haven’t you figured out the two basic truths?"

"One, you are always beautiful," Zac said solemnly. "And two, Taylor always has and probably always will love you."

"Where's Taylor?" I asked noting the hesitation before he added the "probably always." That just didn’t sound promising.

"He's back at the bar looking for the ring." Zac said sighing. "You didn't really mean it did you?"

"Mean what?" I asked afraid that I was going to have to quantify some of the stupider things I'd said back at the bar.

"Do you really not want to marry Taylor?" Zac asked looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh man, I think I'm going to be sick!!" I said as I stumbled to the side of the road. I again landed on my hands and knees, but now I was throwing up the tiny bit I had in my stomach.

"Cleo, get in the car," Zac said coming over and helping me up. In fact, he picked me up and put me in his car. As he climbed into the driver’s side, he was shaking his head. "Cleo, I don't think you have any clue how desperate your situation is…"

"What is that supposed to mean?" I demanded, pissed that Zac had put me in his truck. But very happy to be off my feet.

"Cleo, how many more times do you think you can do this to Taylor before he just gets sick of you?" Zac asked.

"Newsflash: he was being an ass first." I snapped as Zac pulled out onto the freeway.

"This is not about today," Zac started his voice very controlled. "This is an historical observation. I love you, you know that... But today, I wanted to slap you."

"Why?" I asked irritated that Zac would butt his nose into this. "I wasn't the one comparing him to a stripper..."

"If you weren't so drunk and oversensitive today, you probably would see the humor." Zac pointed out. The cars around us seemed to be going so fast and we seemed to be going in circles.

"I'm not oversensitive," I whispered. I had a bunch of really killer comebacks but I was starting to feel distinctly pukey again. "Zac..."

"The thing is this... Taylor loves you so much." Zac began his voice thick with emotions. "To you, this might be nothing, but for him this is hell. He is back..."

"Zac?" I said a little louder. I was pretty sure I needed him to pull over. I needed to throw up again. I was never going to drink on an empty stomach again.

"...in the parking lot sifting through the dust looking for your ring bawling his eyes out." Zac continued ignoring me. His voice was steadily getting louder and louder. "What do you do? Do you sit around and try to think of meaner and meaner ways to get to him? Cause no matter what he said to you, it wasn't meant to be mean... Taylor doesn't have... "

"Zac!" I said with more urgency. The movement of his truck was just adding to my feeling of nausea.

"...a mean bone in his body." Zac continued. "I just think it's really important that I tell you he won't wait for you forever. He won't sit around and take your abuse for the rest of time. Cleo, he was so upset as he was looking for the ring that he said he wasn't going to give it back to you. It took a lot of convincing from Ike and I that he was just being stupid. In fact..."

"Zac, as much as I appreciate what you are saying," I yelled. "You really, really need to pull over."

I had the door open and was out before he was fully stopped. I didn't think there was anything else to throw up, but apparently there was. I must have been quite the picture, kneeling by the side of the road, my dress torn, my mascara running down my face, my long hair whipping around me in the draft created by the passing cars.