|
My Stupid Mouth Oh, another social casualty Score one more for me How could I forget? Mama said "think before speaking" No filter in my head Oh, what's a boy to do I guess he better find one soon One more thing Why is it my fault? So maybe I try too hard But it's all because of this desire I just wanna be liked I just wanna be funny Looks like the jokes on me So call me captain backfire I'm never speaking up again It only hurts me I'd rather be a mystery Than she desert me Oh I'm never speaking up again Starting now |
Diana
and I sat watching the crowd disperse as Avery, Mac and Zoë ran around
chasing Anne.
Their giggles echoed throughout the room.
“They sounded good tonight, didn’t they?”
Diana asked.
“I
don’t think they’ve ever sounded better.” I answered.
“Zac looked so healthy.”
“He
did, didn’t he?”
Diana said a smile shining in her eyes.
“I actually cried when they stepped to the front of the stage to take
their bows.”
“I
think his arms are almost as big as they ever were.”
I answered closing my eyes and imaging the three of them standing at
the front of the stage.
Taylor his hair wet, his gray wifebeater drenched through with sweat…
He was just amazing this night.
“Taylor
in particular was very on,” Diana said.
I could feel her eyes boring into me.
“I
didn’t really notice.”
I said suddenly very interested in a scuff on one of my shoes.
But if I were being completely honest, not only was Taylor on, he was
pretty much perfection.
His energy level through the show had been so high, his voice so on.
I would almost venture to say that this charity show had literally been
the best I’d seen them since the last Hammerstein show during the This Time
Around tour.
“Oh
Cleo, you are priceless.” Diana said rubbing my back.
“You and Tay are going to be quite the pair.”
She laughed rubbing my back as Emory walked towards us.
“What am I saying?
Going to be?
You are already quite a pair.”
“Taylor’s
very excited about your wedding.”
Emory said as she walked up to where Diana and I were sitting.
“That is pretty much all he can talk about.
The poor girls in the meet and greet kept trying to ask about the new
music and he was just going on and on and on…”
“Well,
good.” I
said thanking Emory mentally for coming at that precise moment, saving me from
having to go into Taylor’s “performance” that evening.
“So, what’s going on backstage? Are we almost ready to go?”
“No,
they have a bunch of kids to meet tonight.”
Emory said sighing.
“But they are so sweet and so good to their fans.
Isaac said I should come out here and explore.
He said that this is a gorgeous theatre.
That I should be sure to go up to the balcony and private boxes…”
“Oh,
they’re amazing.”
Diana said smiling.
She was still rubbing my back and I felt myself slowly softening more
and more, drifting towards the edge that marked sleep.
I felt so loved and so special as she treated me like one of her own
children. She
sighed deeply as she began to knead my shoulders. She
had a lot of practice in what feels good and relaxes someone.
I have countless memories of her sitting on a couch rubbing the back of
one of her children.
Soon, I had my arms crossed on the chair in front of me, my forehead
resting on them.
As she hummed softly, I began to melt.
I felt my mind wandering back to earlier this evening.
To Taylor and I alone in my room.
I took a deep breath and smiled softly as I smelled the very distinct
odor that perpetually clung to Taylor.
I could practically feel his hot mouth traveling along my chin, down my
throat, over the flesh of my sternum.
I wondered if there was any way I could finagle another moment alone
with him… Or
a few precious solitary hours.
I was so lost in my reverie; I didn’t notice that Diana was speaking
again. “So,
Cleo, I just want to thank you…”
“Thank
me?” I
asked sitting up.
I had gotten so warm and so very wrapped up into my musings of Taylor
that when I sat up, I felt goosebumps rise on my flesh.
Almost as if Taylor had just left my arms again.
But with Diana’s words, I was suddenly awake and wondering where her
one-sided conversation was going.
“Yes,”
she said quietly.
She leaned her head against my shoulder, taking my hand.
Again, I felt a rush of warmth flood over me.
I knew she loved me.
“Because, I know it must have been a huge temptation…”
“Temptation?”
I asked afraid that I had been snoozing during a very crucial moment of
this conversation.
I was suddenly terrified of where this conversation was going.
“Of
course, it must have been extremely hard to be alone in your hotel room.”
She said quietly;
“No one would ever have to know what happened.
But I have faith in the two of you.
I believe that you and Taylor knew how Walker and I felt and that you
acted accordingly.”
I
smiled tightly.
I could feel my heart gripping and releasing so rapidly.
Should I play along, or should I come clean and promise it will never
happen again?
“Well…
Diana, I hate to disappoint you, but…”
“Ah
well, “ she sighed.
“I was hoping.
I guess I knew all along what had happened.
I’m not stupid nor am I blind.
I know a lot more about what is going on than anyone thinks.
I know that you and Taylor fell asleep on the balcony last night.
I know that Isaac spent most of the night in your room with Emory.
I know that you were all very, very drunk when you got home from the
bowling alley.
And I know that Anne and Zac have been very actively making out the
last few days.
But I guess in my heart of hearts, my children will do the things I
want them to.
In my dreams, they make the choices I would have them make.
But, then again, I know that all of you are free to make your own
decisions.”
“I’m
sorry that we went against your wishes.”
I said a wave of guilt washing over me.
“Ah
well, that is the way with children.”
She said laughing at Zoë’s dance solo.
“They never do what you want them to.
I won’t lie, I’m very, very disappointed in you, but you are old
enough to make your own choices.”
She sat silent for a few minutes just watching the girls dance around
the floor. “But
that doesn’t diminish my love for any of you at all.
In fact, your innate humanity makes me love you all the more.
Isn’t it Taylor’s flaws that draw you to him?”
“Actually,
yes.” I
said standing up and stretching.
“It is all of his little flaws that make him who he is.”
“And
they are the things that drive you crazy as well…” She said standing up
and putting her arm around my waist.
“Cleo!”
Zoë yelled up to where I stood.
“Come dance with me!”
“I’m
coming.” I
called back.
“Are you going to come and dance with us?”
"I
wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Diana whispered in my ear.
The
two of us skipped down the remaining steps and joined in the mad frenzied
dance of the children.
I leapt through the air and spun in tight circles.
I picked Zoë up in my arms and began to spin and spin and spin.
When I set her down, we both staggered around drunkenly.
I fell to the ground watching the ceiling circle wildly above me.
Zoë and Mac both jumped on me and started wrestling with me.
Soon, I was pinned on my stomach with Zoë bouncing up and down on my
backside and Mac trying to get me in a half nelson.
“Mac!
Zoë!”
Diana called from where she sat on the steps.
“Be nice to Cleo!”
“It’s
okay…” I said rolling over and knocking both of them off of me.
“Hey
beautiful.”
Taylor said as he walked to where I lay on the ground.
“Wow,
you look so clean.”
I said taking his offered hand.
He pulled me to my feet.
“And you smell good too.”
He suddenly yawned, a huge jaw-popping yawn.
“Is my baby tired?”
“Yes,
I’m wiped out…” He said slinging his arm around me.
“And we have to be up early to go to a television show.”
“What
show?” I
asked.
“That
stupid Live show.”
He said pulling a face.
I knew he hated to do that show.
“Aww,
I’m sorry.”
I said as he pulled me up off the ground in a tight hug.
I wrapped my legs around his waist, hooking my arms around his neck.
“Isn’t
she too heavy to carry?”
Zoë asked from behind me.
“Naw,
she weighs next to nothing.”
Taylor said nuzzling my neck.
“Dang
Tay, you need to have sex right before you come on stage more often.”
Zac’s voice boomed and echoed out through the now empty room.
“Cause tonight rocked!”
“Zac!!”
Taylor and I yelled at the same time.
“What
is your problem?”
Taylor hissed as I slid down out of his arms.
“Zachary
Walker Hanson!”
Diana said in a very stern voice.
“Come here this minute.”
I watched as Zac’s eyes grew impossibly large.
“Kids, go find your father.
Anne, can you take them backstage to find Walker?”
Diana said to the milling kids around Taylor and I.
Zac had jumped off the front of the stage and was wandering slowly
towards where Taylor and I stood.
Diana stalked to where we were standing.
Diana was a tiny woman, but at this moment in time with a look of anger
on her face, she was foreboding.
“What in the world do you think you are doing?
What was the point of what you just said to your brother?”
“I…
I don’t’ know…” Zac murmured.
“Well,
I am just sick of your constant wisecracks and putdowns.”
Diana asked her hands on her hips.
“And in front of the children!
Why can’t you just keep your mouth shut?”
“But…”
Zac began.
“No,
there is no “but” in this situation.”
Diana said putting her hand up.
This was a signal for all argument to cease and desist immediately.
“While I am seriously disappointed in Taylor and Cleo’s behavior.
And I think that they made very bad choices this evening, I find what
you just did reprehensible!
They made choices that go directly against mine and your father’s
express wishes, but you…
You come out here and start saying things in front of the little ones
that they had no need to hear.
There was absolutely no reason for you to come out here and yell that
garbage. What
were you thinking?
Did you think if you came out here and said that they would get in
trouble?”
“N…no
ma’am.” He
said looking down at his shoes.
“Then
what was the point?”
Diana demanded.
“Look at me young man and answer the question?
Did you think that you were going to get Cleo and Taylor in trouble?”
"I
don’t know.”
He said looking into his mother’s eyes.
“Do
you ever think before you act?”
She demanded.
“Why is it that you are the one that always gets in trouble for being
thoughtless?”
“I’m
sorry, I didn’t think.”
He mumbled, his eyes were shiny and his chin trembled just barely.
“That’s
true, you don’t.”
Diana said.
“I would just ask you to think before you talk next time.”
“Yes
ma’am.” He
said looking back down at his feet.
“Diana,
guys…” Walker called from the stage.
I looked up and saw him standing on the stage holding a weepy Zoë.
“I think it’s time to get back to the hotel.
The boys and Cleo have to be up early tomorrow.”
“Me?”
I asked.
“Yes,
you get to go with them.”
Walker said.
“Lucky
me…” I said smirking.
“Well,
I definitely say lucky me.”
Taylor whispered in my ear.
“Any single moment is made better by your presence.”
I
smiled as he yawned again and settled into my arms.
He was warm and comforting like an enormous teddy bear.
When we arrived back at the hotel, the crowd of girls was noticeably
thinner. Perhaps
the activities of the afternoon had scared some of them off.
But I could tell that Isaac, Taylor and Zac were relieved that they
could move through the crowd quickly.
Taylor defiantly and stubbornly held my hand, smiling sweetly for the
many cameras and insisting I be in every shot.
When we finally stepped into the elevator, I was met by the blankest of
blank stares from Taylor, his blue eyes shining a tired gray.
I put my hand to his cheek and smiled as he tiredly tried to kiss my
wrist.
As
the door slid open on our floor, we stepped out.
“Night baby.”
I said hugging Tay tightly.
“Night?”
He asked.
“But I thought you’d come to our room and watch some TV with me.”
“Tay,
you can barely keep your eyes open and I think your mother is going to be
watching us like we’ve never been watched before.”
I said laughing as he yawned another terrific yawn.
“And, I’m tired clear down to my bones.
I need some sleep.”
“Okay,”
he said tiredly.
“Come
on son,” Walker said clapping a hand onto Taylor’s shoulder.
“I think you need some sleep.”
“Okay,”
Taylor said all the fight gone right out of him.
“I love you.”
He said planting a kiss on my lips.
“See you in the morning.”
“Love
you too.” I
said realizing how immensely tired I was as well.
I stumbled to the door of my room and somehow got the keycard into the
reader.