In a boy's dream

Crash Into Me

You've got your ball,
You've got your chain
Tied to me tight, tie me up again.
Who's got their claws
In you my friend?
Into your heart I'll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock,
And sweet you roll
Lost for you, I'm so lost for you

Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare-boned and crazy... for you.

Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boy's dream

Oh, I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing, but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted,
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash into me
Come crash into me, yeah

Crash into me.

The morning came way too early and too brightly. I had been lying in my bed happily dreaming about Taylor, a trapeze, a miniature horse and several bottles of Maraschino cherries. When suddenly my poor hung over eyes were flooded with unwelcome sunshine. I struggled to bury my head under my pillow, but soon small bodies were flinging themselves on Emory and I. Soon, I realized it was pointless. Diana had sent her overactive and highly sugared children into our room to get us up. Our appointment was at 10:30 and she figured we needed at least an hour to get ready.

When I finally wandered back into the main suite, I was not feeling all that great. But one quick look at Isaac and Zac, I knew that I was feeling way better than them. When I sat on the couch next to Zac, he just looked at me and sighed. He was definitely a shade of green I hadn’t seen since the night his appendix burst. He flopped over onto my shoulder and moaned. When Anne came bouncing in the room with Zoë on her back, he moaned again. “Please, Cleo, don’t say a word.”

“Aw, but it’s just so priceless.” I said giggling and instantly regretting the movement. Ike stood up and wandered toward the kitchenette, his empty coffee cup hanging off his finger. I sighed watching Anne playing with Zoë and Mac. She had so much energy and so little headache. At that moment, I decided that I wasn’t going to drink EVER again… I closed my eyes listening as Diana moved around the kitchenette. The smell of food was beginning to make me feel sicker and sicker and sicker. I decided that I needed to find a restroom and soon. I opened my eyes as Taylor stepped out of his room. He slicked his damp hair back and tucked his shirt as he walked towards me. He had on a pair of perfectly warn jeans, with a white dress shirt and more necklaces than any one person needed.

I know this sounds cheesy, but as he walked towards where I was laying sprawled on the couch, he seemed to be the romantic hero moving towards me in slow motion. As his eyes swept lazily towards me, I felt like someone who had been inside for a long time and the sun was finally about to shine fully on me. When our eyes met, I was rewarded with the most beautiful smile ever. He sauntered towards me shaking his hair loose so it fell in front of his eyes. “Zac, don’t you have your own girl to lay all over?” Taylor said as he settled next to me on the sofa. He planted a warm, Colgate flavored kiss on my lips. “Mom, do I have to go?”

“Because son, you need another one.” Diana said bringing Taylor and I cups of strong, black coffee. Taylor had his coffee gone practically in one long gulp. Honestly, I think the only thing I have to worry about taking my place in Taylor’s heart is the all-powerful java. “And if someone hadn’t had too many beers last night, then they wouldn’t be feeling so sick. Don’t you agree?”

“I think if you all eat a little breakfast, you’ll all feel a lot better.” Walker said setting a plate of bagels in front of us.

“Dude, I’m serious skeez on your own woman.” Taylor said pushing Zac’s head off my shoulder. He finished off his cup of coffee and reached across my lap for mine.

“Zac doesn’t have his own woman.” Ike said as he settled in a chair across from us.

“Oh, but he does…” Taylor said taking a huge swig out of my coffee mug. I am constantly amazed at his ability to suck down coffee. “Zac, why don’t you tell Ike about your late night activities.”

“Shut up, asshole.” Zac said in a low voice. He had said it so quietly, I wasn’t even sure that Taylor heard it.

“Zac, watch your mouth.” Diana said from where she sat at the kitchen table trying to get a very bouncy Zoë to sit and eat her cereal.

“Mother hearing, it isn’t just a myth.” She said laughing. “And really, there is a lot of intuition involved…”

“Oh, you do.” Diana said wiping at Anne’s neck. “It’s right here, but it’s not coming off. And up close it looks more like a bruise…”

“Anne, or Loveboat, a lovely purple and green reminder of his love for her.” Taylor said.

“Yeah, Cleo and I came in from where we were sitting on the balcony and I’ll be damned…” Just then Diana walked behind Taylor and whacked him on the head, causing his hair to stand straight up. “…darned if Zac and Anne aren’t laying on this very couch making out. Not just kissing, but giving each other a mutual tonsillectomy…”

“Dude, shut up.” Zac said burying his head in his hands. “Please, can’t you just be quiet?”

“You had better eat something or you will regret it in a while.” Walker said as he walked by again. “I mean it, I just don’t want to have any puking when we get to the shop…”

And with those prophetic words, the process of moving a group of 12 people from point A to point B began. Even though none of the kids are little anymore, there is still an astounding amount of crap that comes along with their lives. So, Taylor, Zac and I laid all over each other on the couch moving very little as everyone else got ready to go. Diana somehow got all of us up off of the couch and down to the lobby. As we stood waiting for the van to pull up in front of the hotel, I looked around and noticed that our party was missing the most vital element, Emory. The van pulled around and we rushed into the van amid the pops and whirrs of cameras and a thousand shouted questions. We had all settled into the van. Zac sat as far away from Anne as possible. We sat for about 5 minutes before Isaac impatiently called Emory’s cell phone.

Just then, the front door of the hotel flew open and Emory breezed out, smiling graciously at the gathered crowd. I hated that they like her so much. She was all smiles and happiness. She climbed into the van and started immediately talking about where we were all going. Her soft lilting accent was totally grating in my ears this morning. Soon, she and Diana were talking ebulliently to one another. I rested my head on Taylor’s shoulder and he smoothed his hand gently over my cheek. He turned his head towards me and snuffled into my hair before planting a gentle kiss on the crown of my head. I smiled as I felt the van rocking me to sleep. The phenomena continued; I could still fall asleep almost instantly in a moving vehicle. Words like lace, satin, veils, peach, lavender all descending on my partially conscious mind. Suddenly, one of Emory’s words registered.

“Peach?” I said sitting up. “Did I just hear you say that you want the bridesmaids in peach???”

“Well, it’s one of the colors I want to look at.” Emory said smiling. She and Ike are the only two people I know where you can see all of their teeth when they smile.

“Oh dear Lord, no…” I said, slumping back against Taylor. “I’m going to look like an alien. Peach makes my skin look green.”

“Cleo, I’m sure you’ll look fine in whatever I choose.” Emory said to me before turning her attention back to Diana. As the van pulled up in front of the very exclusive shop, Emory was the first one out of the van. I don’t think it was even stopped before her feet hit the ground. Now, I don’t want to sound bitter, but all of her happy energy was really getting on my nerves. The whole family had unloaded before Taylor and I even moved toward the open door.

“No, let’s stay in the van and go back to the hotel.” I said into his neck. “We’d be alone, we could…”

“Tay, Cleo, you need to come in.” Diana said as she stuck her head back in the van. I smiled weakly as I slid off the backbench of the van. “You know, all of this will be for you next. We will be shopping for your wedding… Somehow, I always knew that one day you’d be a Hanson.”

“Cleo, I’ve always loved you…” She said kissing my cheek. “And I promise I will do everything in my power to keep her away from the peach.”

And with that promise, I began my four-hour odyssey through the wilds of the dress shop. We were quickly ushered through the main shop filled with the most insanely expensive dresses, into a lovely cream room that had deep pile carpet and mirrors on all the walls. It was the sort of room where I wouldn’t be able to hide from myself. The mirrors were literally everywhere. I lowered myself onto a loveseat that was covered with raw silk in a soft, creamy yellow; Diana instantly wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

“Cleo, don’t act like you’re being led to your execution.” She said patting my cheek. “This will be over soon.”

“Not soon enough,” I sighed. I watched as Jessica and Avery rushed excitedly over to the clothes racks holding dress upon dress in colors Emory had chosen. Crepe, tulle, chiffon, taffeta… The fabrics rustled and moved as the hands separated and explored the gorgeous dresses. Jessica immediately picked a favorite in the softest lemon yellow satin. She took it and held it in front of her, twirling gracefully on the dais in the middle of the room.

“It is, but first, I think we’re going to let the guys pick their tuxedos so they can get out of our hair.” Emory said standing behind Jessica, running her hands over the gorgeous fabric.

“The guys get to leave?” I asked sitting up. “Why do the guys get to leave?”

“Cause silly, Isaac can’t see my wedding dress.” Emory said indicating the second dress rack currently hidden beneath a plastic sheet.

“…or don’t play at all.” I finished. I’d heard that saying more times than I could count.

I watched as Emory stood with all of the Hanson men looking at the different tuxedos she had chosen. Soon, I watched as the men so central to my life came out in their different tuxedos. At first, they all seemed very self-conscious. Walker even refused to step up onto the dais. But after 5 or 6 different styles and colors, they each began to relax. Mac was even doing his own version of the catwalk. Soon, Zac was singing, “I’m too sexy for this tux” each time he came into the room. Finally, a lovely deep blue Armani tuxedo was chosen for the men. I watched happily as Taylor came out and modeled. The deep blue setting off his eyes in a way that was wholly amazing. As he stood having the suit marked with white chalk so that it would fit him like a glove. I found myself suddenly wanting to be close to Taylor… Close and naked.

“I need to find a restroom.” I said suddenly realizing that I needed to get a little distance between Taylor and I. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Oh, okay.” Diana said smiling up at me. “We won’t be trying on our dresses for a while yet… Maybe you could find somewhere quiet to lie down. You look a little green.”

"Okay.” I said as I wandered out into the main part of the shop. As I walked towards the restroom, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something amazing. I stopped. It was a gorgeous, dark blue, satin and crepe dress. The blue was the most amazing midnight blue with a depth that made it look almost black, a color that looked like the sky right before dawn. It had an empire waist and a train, with the front scooped out so that it would fall just above my knees. But what I most loved was that it was literally covered in the most beautiful faceted crystals I’d ever seen. I pulled it forward and ran my hands over the gorgeous surface, loving how heavy it felt. The crystals were just placed here and there at the top and got more frequent as it moved down, until at the bottom the dress was entirely covered in these stunning crystals.

“That is a lovely dress.” A voice said behind me making me jump. I turned to see one of the sales people.

“Oh, it’s gorgeous.” I said completely in love with it before even trying it on.

“Well, it’s a one of a kind dress.” She said taking it off the rack. “It’s a Vera Wang, hand beaded with Swaroski crystals. Would you like to try it on?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” I said running my hand over the satin straps. I noticed the price tag pinned carefully to the label. I flipped it over and noticed the price. “NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS???”

“Well, yes, it is expensive.” The woman said smiling. “But I think your boyfriend can afford it.”

“Come on, it will look amazing on you! You have the right curves to wear it…” She said holding it up to me. “The empire waist is perfect for someone with nice breasts and a tiny waist like you. And before you say no, look at these.” She said holding up a pair of shoes that were the exact same color with the same crystals strung together as the straps. “What size feet do you have?”

"Um… 8 and a half’s?” I said, my words coming out as more of a question than a statement.

“I think that this entire ensemble was made for you.” She said smiling. “I think you should at least try it on.”

I followed her into a large dressing room with pale blue carpet and walls. “Now when you are ready to have it zipped, just call me. There is a bra built into the dress, so you won’t need to wear your bra and the dress is fully lined. Would you like me to help you get the dress on?”

“No, I think I’ll be okay.” I said quietly completely enamored with the dress she had hung on the clothes rack. I didn’t know it was possible to be in love with an article of clothing, but I was. As the woman stepped out of the room, I caressed the dress, marveling at the weight and heft of the fabric. I stripped off my hammered cut-off’s and pulled my baggy sweatshirt off, exposing yet another of my too tight t-shirts. I yanked the t-shirt off and stood before the mirror wearing nothing but a pair of panties. The cold air raised goosebumps all over my body, making my nipples peak. I shivered and then gently pulled the dress on over my head. There would be no sudden movements in a $9,000 dollar dress.

As the satin straps settled onto my shoulders, I felt a sigh escape me. The dress fit me like it had been made specifically for me. The hem in the front grazed my knees, with the train behind me lying heavily on the floor. Once I had the shoes on, the train would just barely sweep the floor. There was a quiet knock on the door and the saleswoman stuck her head in the room. “Are you ready for me to zip you?”

“Yes.” I said as she stepped into the room. As the zipper went up, I sighed. The dress fit me like a glove. As she tied the satin ribbon that ran around me just below my breasts, I saw a sight I wasn’t prepared for. I looked amazing. I was in love. “This is the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen.”

“Here step into the shoes.” She said kneeling in front of me. “I think this dress was made for you.”

“Wow, it is beautiful. I said turning around, letting the dress flair out around me before falling back against my ankles. The train now just whispered across the floor. I looked like an Oscar nominated actress who had just stepped out of a limousine. “Look at how it moves. It’s just… so beautiful.” I smoothed my hands over the fabric, loving how the crystals would catch my fingers. “I feel like a princess…”

“I don’t know… They are covered with scars.” I said mesmerized by the stranger in the mirror. The woman standing before me in the unbelievably expensive dress was someone I didn’t know. But I wanted to be this woman. I wanted to be the person who got up every morning knowing exactly what she was going to do that day, knew exactly where she was going, knew exactly who she would be all day long. She had the safety and security of a life played out in comfortable places and in well-known spaces. Nothing surprised her, nothing sent her off-balance, she was calm personified. I longed for this. I longed to feel the warmth of a security so complete that I always knew that everything would always be all right. I was jealous of the woman in the mirror.

“Still, you should show your boyfriend.” The woman said bringing back the reality of my life. A life where I didn’t even know where I was going to be the next hour, let alone the next day.

“This dress fits you like it was sewn for your body. It wouldn’t need a stitch of alteration.” She said smiling. “I mean, the shoulder straps are the perfect length for you.”

“I know, but I would never ask him for something like this.” I said twisting and loving how the dress continued and wrapped itself around my legs.

“Well, call me when you’re ready to take the dress off.” She said slipping out of the room.

I stood admiring myself in this amazing dress. I reached up and pulled the scrunchy out allowing my dark hair to tumble down around my shoulders. I was beautiful. I really was as beautiful as Taylor always tells me I am. Tears shone in my eyes as I saw for a moment the woman Taylor wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The door squeaked open a tiny bit. “You can come in.” I said. “I’m ready to take this dress off…”

“No, don’t.” Taylor said quietly. Our eyes met in the mirror and he smiled. “Wow, you look beautiful!”

“So do you.” I said smiling back. He was wearing the deep blue tuxedo in almost the same color as my dress. “That tuxedo is just gorgeous on you.”

“It is a little too big, but once they alter it, it’ll be nice.” He said stepping up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist. His fingers moved slowly over the dress. “Cleo, that is the singularly most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. You look absolutely breathtaking…” His fingers gathered the front of the skirt, pulling it up, exposing more and more of my thighs. “…hike up your skirt a little more/And show your world to me...” He sang quietly in my ear.

“Taylor, stop that!” I said smacking at his hands. “I swear you have a song for every occasion… Anyway, I think you just like the dress because it makes your eyes so blue.”

“Ah, so it does.” He said smiling wickedly. He swept the hair off my shoulder and planted a soft gently kiss on my neck. “You smell good.”

“I do?” I said leaning my head back on his shoulder as she kissed the spot just behind my ear. The spot that sent shivers down my spine, shivers that came to rest in the core of my being.

“Well, then it must be the hotel shampoo.” I said turning my head to give him freer access to my neck. His tongue traced along the muscle in my neck causing me to physically shiver. I turned to face him. His eyes were glowing, so bright, so alive. I put my hand on his cheek, loving the warmth of his skin. He took my hand and placed a gentle kiss on the inside of my palm. “Cause, really, that is all I have on.”

“I wish that was all you had on.” He said. I could feel his hands working at the satin bow and then the subtle whirring sound of the zipper going down. Soon, I could feel his cool fingers moving over my back. I felt the goosebumps rising all over my body. “I love the feel of your skin.”

“I love the feel of your hands on my skin.” I said as his mouth descended on mine. Slowly, slowly, his hands moved up, fingertips trailing over my shoulder blades, the barest suggestion of contact. As he kissed me, he hooked his fingers underneath the satin straps and pulled the dress away from me. The dress fell straight to the ground, pooling around my feet.

“Wow, I really, really like that dress.” Taylor said taking in the fact that I didn’t have a bra on. “I think you should buy it.”

“I don’t think so.” I said stepping out of the perfect circle of dark blue fabric.

“Why not?” He asked as I leaned down to pick up the t-shirt I had dropped on the floor.

“It’s just too beautiful.” I said stopping as his hands grabbed both of my wrists. “When would I ever have anywhere I could wear something that gorgeous?”

“I don’t know, I’m sure we could think of somewhere.” He said gently turning me towards the mirrors, still holding my wrists so that my arms were folded across my chest. He placed my hands of my shoulders, shielding my nakedness. “You could wear that to the grocery store, cause that is how beautiful you are.”

“Tay, I’m not that pretty.” I said struggling a little against his confining hands.

“Oh, but you are.” He said turning so both of us were facing the mirror. “Let’s start here, with you hair. Yes, it is too curly and crazy, but it is also shinier and thicker than hair has a right to be.” Taylor said running his fingers through my mass of curls. “Next, your eyes, hiding forever behind your glasses, but that is part of their beauty!” He said pulling my glasses off. “Cause when you finally do take off your glasses, they are a gift to behold.” He kissed my cheek. “And then there are your lips. Lips that make me hungry… Hungry for sugar. A neck that begs to be sucked, shoulders of alabaster…. All leading directly to your breasts.” He took my hands off my shoulders and stretched them straight out. My nipples instantly peaked. He smoothed his hands up along my ribs, placing them over both my breasts. “Oh Cleo, you are so perfect.” He sighed into my ear. His mouth moving along my neck, his hands moving over my breasts, my nipples pinched gently between his thumb and palms.

“Shh…” he hushed. “And not to be forgotten…” His right hand moved slowly down and over my stomach, as he continued to suck on my neck. When his hand dipped into the front of my panties, the first moan escaped my lips. “Here, we have arrived at the promised land…” His long fingers moved easily into my core. I turned my face towards him, my breath catching and releasing with the soft circular ministrations. “No, Cleo, look at yourself. See yourself as only I’ve seen you.”

I turned my eyes back towards the mirror, watching as my color heightened and my breath sped up as his movements became more urgent. I watched myself through half lidded eyes. I could feel my body responding, reacting. I sighed feeling my toes curling in pleasure inside the very expensive heels I had on. “Oh Taylor…” I sighed. His name a whisper, barely audible… His name was my prayer of thanksgiving. My eyes fell closed as pleasure began to rip through my body, radiating up and out from the very core of my body.

“No, open your eyes.” Taylor said. I opened my eyes; they were instantly caught in the reflected gaze of brilliant blue. “I want you to see, to know what it is I see in you… See why I find you so beautiful. I want you to see the face I dream about.”

I moaned softly and caught my bottom lip between my teeth. “Tay, you need to stop… I think I may scream.”

“Scream away…” He whispered into my shoulder. “Just take a deep breath and let it all out…”

I took a deep shuddering breath and felt my back arch. “Oh my… Oh, Taylor!” Just as I felt an orgasm rip through my body, I noticed the door to the dressing room slowly opening. I grabbed Taylor’s hand and shoved him away, grabbing for my t-shirt that I dropped on the floor.

“Cleo, what the…” Taylor asked from where he had landed on the floor next to the extremely expensive dress.

“Nothing.” I said holding my too small t-shirt in front of me. I was still breathing heavily and I know Zac had noticed that fact.

“Nothing or none of my business?” Zac asked his eyebrows shooting up. “Cause if it was nothing, then why do you two look so guilty? And if it really was nothing than why do you care if I make it my business?”

“By the way, nice breasts.” Zac said nodding towards me. I caught my reflection in the mirror and yes, right there for the world to see were my breasts.

“Zac, what do you want?” I asked pretending like there was nothing wrong and yanking my shirt on over my head. I reached down and grabbed my shorts, pulling them on quickly.

“Tay, they are ready to finish marking your Tux.” Zac said. “And Cleo, if you are serious about no peach, you may want to go and wrestle the dress that Emory has chosen for you out of her hands…”

Zac smiled wickedly at me and winked. “I’ll just go and tell Mom that you are on your way… And hopefully other things won’t just slip out.” And with that he was gone.

“He may.” Taylor said leaning his head back against the wall behind him. “Even if he doesn’t now, he will hold this episode over our heads for a very, very long time.”

“I know.” I said gently lifting the dress up and hanging it back on its special padded hanger. I slid the shoes off. These shoes were 4 inches high and yet, they felt like they had been manufactured specifically for my feet. I ran my hands over the crepe one last time.

“Cleo, that dress is gorgeous, you should get it.” Taylor said coming up behind me with my sweatshirt.

“Taylor, the dress costs nine thousand dollars and the shoes are another nine hundred. I could replace the sweet Sentra if I had that much money in any account…” I said as we walked out of the dressing room.

“I’ll buy it for you.” Taylor said. “You can wear it at the next big event.”

“Taylor, you will not spend ten thousands dollars for one outfit!” I said dragging him behind me back into the main room where the entire family sat waiting. “It’s not that important…”

“I always do.” I said sinking down onto a love seat next to Diana. Diana was braiding Zoë’s hair into tiny little braids. When Zoë turned to look at me, she looked so much like a young Zac. I wanted to gather her up into my arms. I wanted to freeze her as a sweet and untouched 5 year old.

“Cleo, you must have found somewhere to lie down, cause you look much, much better.” Diana said patting my knee as she finished the braid she had been working on. Taylor smiled at me as the tailor finished marking the cuffs of his tuxedo. “And you have some color in your cheeks.”

“Yeah, Cleo, you’re looking particularly flushed.” Zac said winking at me, waiting for his turn to have the final marks added to his new tuxedo. “In fact, wouldn’t you say she looks almost feverish Mom?”

“You do look a little flushed.” Diana said smoothing her hand over my sweaty forehead. She put her lips against my forehead. “You’re sweaty, but you still feel cool.”

“I wonder why you’re so sweaty…” Zac said shrugging as he stepped up onto the dais. Taylor turned and smiled at me as he stepped back into the dressing room. “Especially since you had gone to lie down.”

“Zac, aren’t you leaving?” I asked sighing. “Cause really, I can’t wait for you to just be gone.”

“Why are you being…” I was about to ask a loaded question. “Zac, don’t you have a sound check to go to?”

“Zac, come on.” Walker said stepping back into the room. “Come take that tux off so we can head back to the hotel.”

“Yeah, weenus.” Taylor said. “Let’s get rolling. We have that charity show tonight and I need a nap before sound check.”

“Oh, of course.” Zac said jumping up. He placed. “Anything you say, your majesty…”

“Zac, be nice.” Diana said smiling at me. “I think you all need to rest cause you are all cranky.”

“Diana, can I go back with them?” I asked smiling sweetly, batting my eyes at her.

“You charms don’t work on me.” Diana said throwing he head back and laughing. She looked into my eyes and I could feel the love that as a child I had craved. “And if I have to sit here and look at wedding dresses, you do too. And think, it will be you next.”

“No way.” I said shaking my head. “I am not having a big wedding. In fact, I just want a plain cotton dress and everyone can come barefoot and in shorts…”

“Me too?” Taylor asked behind me, his fingers working unseen knots out of my shoulders.

“Of course, especially you.” I said smiling at him. He reached down and grabbed my hand out of my lap pulling me up to my feet. “In fact, maybe we should elope. Run away and get married on the beach…”

“Okay.” I said running my fingers through his messy too long hair. He pulled me back into his arms. His embrace all the security and warmth I would ever need. I didn’t need to be someone else as long as I had this.