|
|
The Rose
Some say love, it is a river |
Somehow,
we managed to get the entire entourage into various vehicles and uptown to the
Trump tower with the very minimum of insanity.
Well, I say the minimum cause as the van pulled away, Zac had his face
plastered against the back window, mouthing the words “save me.”
He had somehow ended up in the very back with Loveboat.
That maneuver totally smacked of Diana.
She thought his discomfort at the appearance of Loveboat on the scene
was priceless. Taylor and I ended
up in the limo the boys had taken down to the shoot earlier that day with Ike
and Emory. Still, we might as
well have been in the limo alone, cause Ike and Emory didn’t even come up
for air. Taylor and I sat there
basically trying to make small talk, trying to look out the windows, trying to
find something, anything interesting to watch that didn’t include Ike and
Emory. Finally, as Ike moved
his hand up Emory’s shirt, Taylor couldn’t take it anymore.
“Seriously, Isaac, can’t it wait?”
“Huh?”
Isaac said lifting his head as Emory continued to suck on his neck, his
jaw.
"Dude,
at the rate you’re going, we’re gonna have to drive around the block about
30 times before you can get out of the limo…” Taylor said a look of
amusement on his face.
“What?”
He asked his eyes almost crossing
as Emory lifted up his shirt and licked his left nipple.
“Dude,
you can’t step out of the limo sporting a major stiffy and think the fans
won’t notice.” Taylor said a
laugh bursting out behind what he was saying.
“Oh
shit…. Maybe the driver can
take us down through the basement.” Isaac
said as she pushed Emory away.
“Come
on, we have to go and do the grip and grin thing…” Taylor said shrugging.
“Do
we have to?” I said my eyebrows
pulling together. Memories of all
the abuse I’d taken from fans in the past assaulting me.
“Yes.”
Both Ike and Tay said as we pulled up in front of the hotel.
“Are
you ready for this?” Taylor
asked grabbing the door handle and my hand at the same time.
The scream that arose when Taylor climbed out of the limo was
astounding. After not being
surrounded by screaming girls for a long time, it was shocking to be inundated
with a wall of pure sound. As I
stood up, Taylor put his arm around my waist and kissed me right in front of
my ear. “It’ll be fine.”
The
crowd took a collective breath, before it completely exploded.
Taylor walked through the crowd smiling at the screaming girls, trying
to answer some of the questions screamed at him, while I tried to wiggle out
of his considerable grasp. A lot
of the questions seemed to revolve around the fact that all of the fans in
front of the hotel seemed to have thought Taylor and I had broken up.
They all wanted to know why I was there. Emory, of course, was fairing much better.
Everyone liked her and I was the enemy.
I wanted to run, to escape, but Taylor wouldn’t let go of my hand.
“Tay,
please,” I whispered into his ear. “This
actually scares me.”
“Okay
baby.” He whispered back.
He turned when he reached the top step and waved at the crowd, smiling
the most beautiful smile I’d seen in a long time.
“Why do they scare you?”
“Cause,
haven’t you read the things people are saying on the Internet?”
I asked as we moved toward the elevator.
“Well,
I try not to, but yeah I do see some of it.”
Taylor said quietly, leaning up against the wall, holding both of my
hands. “I don’t think they
mean it…”
“Tay,
that girl in Dallas that pulled my hair?
She’s practically a hero among Hanson fans.” I said leaning up against him.
I took a huge breath, breathing in the sweet smell of Taylor.
Man, I’d missed the sweet, simple smell of boy.
“She has an entire website about how nasty I was to her…
Taylor, I didn’t say anything to her…”
“I
know…” He said wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight.
“I
only asked her why she did that to me.”
I said a huge sadness descending over me. My life was so simple and so complicated all at once.
The simple part: I loved Taylor completely.
All I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with him.
The complicated part: I
loved Taylor completely. I would
probably spend the rest of my life defending myself to his fans.
“And now, she has some story about how I cursed her out and pushed
her.”
“I
know you didn’t do any of those things.”
He whispered into my hair. “I
have faith in you, faith that you would never do anything that stupid.”
“Good.”
I said sighing.
“Hey
guys.” Isaac said as he joined
us waiting for the elevator.
“You
know, the fans can be so sweet.” Emory
said showing me the handful of roses she had just been presented.
“Yeah,
they can.” I said rolling my
eyes.
“Cleo,
don’t be bitter.” Isaac said
hugging me as I got on the elevator.
“I’m
not.” I said.
“Do
you think it’d be okay if I took the first shower?” Emory asked me as she snuggled against Isaac.
“Not
at all, I don’t know if I’ll take one, just change.” I said as Emory tried to swallow an enormous yawn.
“Why don’t you take a quick nap too?”
“I
think I will.” She said
stretching. “Ike would you care
to join me for a nap?”
“I
for some reason don’t see a lot of sleeping going on in that scenario.”
Taylor said a smirk on his lips.
“Well,
just cause you and Cleo are going to be watched like hawks…” Ike said
laughing openly. “I mean, how
many times have you been busted?”
“Shut
up.” Tay said as the elevator
soundlessly slid open. “We
didn’t do anything the night of my birthday.”
“Sure,
you didn’t…” Ike said as he and Emory headed down the hall towards the
room she and I would share. “Tell
Mom where I am.”
“Why
does everyone think they are so perfect?”
Taylor asked me as he stuck the keycard into his door.
“Cause,
Ike’s right, we always get busted.” I
said as we walked into the suite. Standing
in front of me were Jessica, Mac and Loveboat dressed in swimsuits, Zoë came
bursting out of a room to my right and threw her arms around Taylor’s knees.
“Hey!! Where are you going? Skiing?
Ice Skating?”
“No
silly.” Zoë said as Taylor
scooped her up into her arms. “We’re
going swimming!”
“Ah…”
I said watching as Avery came strolling out of the same room Zoë had just
burst out of.
“I
know how to swim underwater now.” Zoë
told Taylor. “Loveboat taught
me.”
“Did
she now?” Taylor asked setting
his wiggling sister down.
“Yes!”
Zoë crowed with joy. “She
is the bestest babysitter we’ve EVER had…”
“Sweet.”
Taylor said.
“Come
on Zoë, let’s go swimming.” Loveboat
said grabbing her hand.
“Tay,
where’s Isaac?” Diana said as
she came into the great room of the suite.
“He
went with Emory, she’s gonna take a nap.
He said he was tired too and that he didn’t want her to be alone.”
Taylor said watching his mother closely.
She
just smiled and swept her long hair out of her face. “He can be such a sweetheart.
What are you two up to?”
“I’m
going to go take a shower.” Taylor
said grabbing my hand. He started
down the hall towards his room, when I heard someone clear their throat behind
me.
“Yeah?”
I said stopping in my tracks. Taylor
continued towards his room, almost pulling me off my feet.
“Cleo,
come talk to me.” Walker said.
“Okay.”
I said looking at Taylor. A
look of pure annoyance crossed his face.
“Dad,
I haven’t seen her for 3 weeks.” Taylor
said a definite whine creeping into his voice.
“But,
she’s here now.” Walker said
sternly. “And she will still be
here when you get out of the shower.”
“It’s
okay.” I said kissing him
quickly on the lips. “We have
the rest of our lives to be together.”
“Fine.”
He said stomping down the hall.
“It’s
a beautiful day in New York.” Walker
said as he opened the door to the balcony.
“The spring sunshine makes this city seem so clean.”
“It
does feel different than last time we were here.” I said leaning against the railing of the balcony and leaning
out. Laid out before me were
Central Park and the glittering canyons of the city.
I took a deep breath and loved the smell of the city for once.
Instead of fetid and slightly rotten, it smelled of the newly leafed
trees. I was so happy to be here,
to be with Taylor. I sighed and
closed my eyes. When I took
another deep breath, I was suddenly surrounded by the smell of Taylor
lingering in my hair, on my hands, in my clothes.
“The summer here is fairly brutal.”
“Cleo,
it’s good to see you.” Walker
said setting his hand on top of mine. I
looked up at him and smiled. When
I thought of the typical father, his face came to mind.
His eyes were so kind and so loving usually, but today, they looked sad
and tired. His eyes reminded me
of how Zac had looked that day in the hospital when he had realized he could
die. I saw something I didn’t
think I’d ever see in his eyes, defeat.
He squeezed my hand and offered me a small smile.
He settled his arm over my shoulder, gave me hug and planted a soft
fatherly kiss on my forehead. “Seeing
you reminds me of home and of the things I miss so much.
You know, I never thought it would be like this.”
"What
would be like what?” I asked
looking down at the teeming mass of teenage life down below us.
I could faintly hear the girls singing a very bad version of Mmmbop.
I could also read a few of the handmade signs.
One read: Cleo,
You’re a bitch! Another:
Cleo leave Taylor alone! And
yet another: Cleo = Yoko. I
sighed. I would always be the one
the fans hated cause I was the first intruder into the tight world of Hanson.
I was the most visible girlfriend.
Even though Ike was going to marry Emory, for some reason I had been
labeled the Yoko of the group.
“That
their fame would be like this.” Walker
said sighing before he settled into one of the chairs resting on the balcony.
He absently leaned over and picked up a guitar I recognized as
Taylor’s. He began to randomly
strum chords, his face far away. “I
just never thought it would turn all of our lives so upside down.”
“Well,
it was pretty fast…” I said.
“…and
furious.” He said hitting a
sour chord. He winced before
moving into a fairly rocking, if imperfect, version of Sure About It.
“I think the first time I realized we weren’t prepared, was when we
went to the Paramus Mall. That
afternoon my sons became something else.
From just the size of the crowd, to the girls chanting Taylor’s name,
to Zac almost getting trampled. It
changed each of them in a most essential way.
In every interview they always said they hadn’t changed, that they
were the same guys they had been the night before Mmmbop was released.
But to be honest, they weren’t.
How could they be? It all
happened in what felt like overnight.”
“Well,
once it started, it really was overnight.”
I said.
“Exactly,
one day my boys were just that, my boys.
And then the next day, they were the worlds. I had spent the early years of their lives trying to protect
them from the influence of the outside world.
Hell, I even felt I had to protect them from you…
You were quite the wild one. Maybe
not wild, just mischievous…” He said a rueful smile on his face.
“I used to cringe when I heard the stories of yours and Thad’s
latest adventure. But then again,
I could see all of them, Taylor especially, were growing up too fast.
Even before we left for Los Angeles.
All I wanted was to give them what they wanted and to keep them safe
from harm. Never knowing I was
adding to what was harming them. And
then one day, I couldn’t protect them anymore.
I was no longer enough.”
“I
think you did a great job.” I
said settling into the chair next to Walker.
Amazed at how alive and vibrant the city sounded even from 20 stories
up. “They really are
incredible. They aren’t as
tainted as all that.”
“Thanks,
but still I wonder.” He said
sighing again. “Wouldn’t they
have been just as incredible if we’d never left Tulsa for Los Angeles? If we had just stayed home and let them be boys…”
“But
this is what they love.” I said
sitting forward and resting my head on my knees.
“All of this was always just below the surface, it was inevitable.”
“I
don’t know if I believe they were fated to this life.”
Walker said gruffly.
“Maybe
not fated, but they would have would worked towards this no matter what.”
I said. Suddenly I felt
the need to do an impression of Taylor. Suddenly,
I was talking faster, flinging my hands about, using Taylor’s particular
cadence. “A seed was planted in them before they even knew what they
wanted to do with their lives. This
seed that lay dormant just under the surface would have come to fruition
eventually. It just sprouted
early in their lives. And luckily
for them, they love what has blossomed from that single seed.
They were destined to bloom within the sun’s love.”
“Very
deep.” Walker said laughing at
my dead on impression of Taylor. “Have
you been reading the articles in the teen magazines again?”
“No,
but I know Taylor.” I said
sighing. “And I know he loves
his life. They all do.”
“But
why do they love it? Do they love
it cause they feel they have to because their whole life had been defined by a
contract I signed with a record company?
Or do they love it purely for the art of it, for the magic?”
Walker sighed heavily, his breath catching in his throat.
“Do they love it because they know how much everyone sacrificed for
them to have this?”
“I
know that Taylor adores his life.” I
said.
“After
the last three weeks being here in New York with him and you in Tulsa, I’m
not sure he truly does adore his life.”
Walker said shaking his head. “Taylor
really missed you. Sometimes, it
wasn’t pretty.”
“Tay
may love me, but music is his reason for living.” I said.
“I
don’t know anymore. Music may
be the icing on the cake, but you my dear are the cake.” Walker said smiling. He
reached out and smoothed some of my hair back.
“I
would never ask him to leave this.”
“But
are you prepared for what it really means to be married to a Hanson?”
Walker asked.
“I
don’t know, should I ask Diana about that one?”
“You
are such a smart ass, no wonder Zac loves you.” Walker said throwing his head back and laughing.
“No, I guess what I’m asking you is are you prepared for this to
become your life?”
“I
think I am.” I said sitting up,
leaning my elbow on my knees, resting my chin in my hand. “I see what’s going on everyday and I think that I can do
this, I can handle this. But then
I walk through a crowd of girls, girls who love them and I wonder…”
“What?”
“What
if they are right?” I asked
looking out across the treetops of Central Park.
“What if I really do ruin his life?”
“You
could never ruin his life.” Walker
said setting the guitar down. “Love
can’t ruin anything. And as
long as you love each other, everything will work out.
As long as you remember why you wanted so badly to get married,
you’ll never want to leave.”
“I
hope not.”
“Sometimes,
it gets hard to remember. But if
you just stop and think, I mean really think, about why you were willing to
step into this firestorm…” He sighed again.
I don’t think he meant for this conversation to be as serious as it
was turning out. “It’s just I
can’t help but worry that you and Emory will both tire of the insanity
surrounding their lives and decide that you just can’t take it anymore.”
“Hey,
if I can spend my whole life with them…”
“But
this is different.” Walker
said. “This isn’t dealing
with their smart ass remarks and their constant teasing.
This is dealing with all of the fans…
Dealing with the girls who love you and those who hate you.
Dealing with the people who want nothing more than to just rip your
eyes out.”
“I
think I can.” I said shrugging.
My mind wandering back to the chubby, pimple faced girl in Dallas.
I’ll never forget the look of triumph on her face as she stood
holding a handful of my hair. Her
absolute joy at telling me I wasn’t all that.
And at that time I was still just Taylor’s friend as far as any of
the fans knew. Or I knew for that fact.
Taylor had only mentioned me in an interview and they hated me.
What would happen when we actually got married?
“At least, I hope I can.”
“I
need it to be more than just hope.” Walker
said. “I need to know that you
will love him no matter what the rest of the world says.”
“I
will, not matter what.” I
answered.
"Cleo,
it will be hard.” Walker said
sighing again. “It’s all been
so much harder than I thought it would be.
I love them so much… Almost
daily I wonder if I did them more harm than good.
Maybe we should have let their fame come slower, let it be more
natural. But what the record
company wanted was Taylor’s voice and they wanted it before it changed.”
“He
was amazing when he was younger. I
read on the Internet once his voice was totally mixed and remixed.
That he really didn’t sound like that.”
I said feeling antsy, wondering what Walker wanted from me.
I loved Taylor; I was going to marry him.
At this moment in time, I couldn’t even conceive of ever leaving him. “But, I know what is on the CD is pure unadulterated
Taylor.”
“Well,
people criticize what they don’t understand.
They belittle what they can’t do.”
Walker said. “You know
what I did the last time I was home? I
got out the old videos. The
really, really old ones. Videos
of all of you, the six of you running around like idiots.
And as I watched yet another game of tackle tag, I wondered how all of
you made it past 12.”
“Well,
I think Dr. McCarty could probably tell you how.” I said leaning way over the balcony again to look at the
girls waiting patiently for their heroes to make their reappearance.
“And
then as I watched the video from our day at the river...” Walker said and
stopped. I watched the traffic
moving by slowly down on 5th Avenue.
And marveled at the fact this city so famed for it’s fast living, had
some of the worst traffic ever. Suddenly
it occurred to me Walker hadn’t finished his thought.
I turned and saw something I’d never seen before, tears shining on
his face. “That day was the
last day of your childhood.”
“No,
we all had great lives.” I said
wondering where all of this second-guessing was coming from.
“You
are sweet to say that.” He said
swiping at his face. “But I
know that isn’t true. None of
you have the freedom and joy you had that sunny afternoon.
And you can’t tell me that you do.”
"No,
I can’t. But my life has been
what’s it’s been.” I said
shrugging. “Who’s to say it
isn’t because of what happened all those years ago that I can totally
appreciate what I have now.”
“Maybe…”
Walker said moving over next to me. He
enveloped me in an enormous hug. “Cleo,
promise me you won’t break his heart. And
I’ll threaten to kill him if he breaks yours.”
“Sounds
like a deal.” I said hugging
him back. Over his shoulder, I
could see Taylor standing in the doorway watching us, an enormous smile on his
face. “Hey sexy!”
“Dad,
are you skeezing on my woman?” Taylor
said sauntering out and slinging his arm over my shoulder.
“Taylor!
Shut up!” I said.
“So,
what’s on the agenda for the evening?”
Walker said rubbing Taylor’s hair.
“Dad, mind the ‘do.” Tay said running his fingers through his wet hair.