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Baby Mine
Baby mine, don't you cry Little one when you play If they knew sweet little you
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I sat on the steps watching a little girl play in the dancing water fountain across from the auditorium where the boys were all set to play. She was about three years old with long, curly hair. Her soft, round face held eyes of the clearest blue; each time she looked over at me, I felt the blue wash over me like a wave. I was fascinated by the way she leapt and jumped after the water. She seemed so sure of the fact that if she really wanted, she could stop the water mid-stream. But the dancing and running was so much more fun. Her voice came wafting to me on the breeze; it was sweet and soft, with just a hint of a lisp. It played in my ears like music; her giggle seemed to be the ringing of bells. As the older children around her hopped from jet to jet, she squealed with delight, following them on their journey across the water "minefield." Her joy at the simple act of getting wet on a hot afternoon radiated from her. She called after the older girl who was watching her like a hawk, urging her to catch up. I smiled; her happiness was contagious.
In all the years I'd traveled with the boys, I still hadn't developed a sure fire way of knowing exactly where we were, but that day, I knew. We were in Salt Lake City. I knew this because I had lived here for three months a few years back and of course, the fountain is from the 2002 Winter Olympics. It was an unseasonably hot October afternoon and the kids were antsy. Really, it had been a long time since Diana, Walker and the rest of the kids traveled with us so, they were finding it hard to be so cooped up. There had been more fights in the last few days then ever before. As a result, I spent a large portion of the day trying desperately to keep the peace. So, while the guys were doing a sound check, I had taken the kids and had wandered across the street to the Gateway so they could cool off and expend some of their boundless energy.
As I sat, I noticed a girl watching us.
The girl had been watching all of our frenzied activity for a long time. Long enough that I was feeling distinctly uncomfortable. I signaled to Jessica to snag the kids, so we could head back to the venue. I hated the idea of cutting short their fun in the fountains, but some fans didn't know when to stop. And really, the kids hadn't been exposed to the fans for so long, I wanted to insulate them.
"You're Cleo." She said before I could even stand. It was definitely not a question, just a simple statement of fact. She must have sensed that I was getting ready to leave.
"I am." I said standing and brushing the dust from the back of my shorts. In the three years, Taylor and I had been married I had become a lot less of a villain to the fans. Things really had changed. But there were still some hardcore, old school fans that really, really hated me. The way she was staring at me was really making me nervous. "Can I help you?"
"Actually, yes." She said quietly. Her voice was husky and deep, the voice of someone who had smoked way too many cigarettes. "I have this letter. I really need to get it to Zac."
"Okay, I can give it to him." I said putting my hand out.
She placed the letter in my hand. But when I went to pull the letter away, she grabbed my hand in both of hers. "Cleo, this is really, really important. Please, make sure he gets it."
"Oh… okay." I stammered taken aback by her absolute intensity. I looked at the girl and saw her for the first time. I had been so involved in watching the kids play that I had been aware of her presence, but not focused on it. And in my defense, so many of the fans simply blend together, but I really looked at her. Her body was soft and round but held the memory of someone who had once been painfully thin. Her elbows and collarbones still pressed sharply against her skin. She was possessed of a natural grace; her slightest movement reminded me of someone who'd had years of dance training. Her face was long and thin, but pretty. Her nose was straight, her lips full, her eyebrows arched delicately over dark eyes, eyes the color of wet cement. Her eyes were enormous and they seemed to carry knowledge of something deeper, something more. They were so deep and intelligent looking, they seemed to see things in me I wasn't sure I wanted to share with the world. Her honey colored hair fell straight to her waist. "I'll give it to him as soon as I see him."
"Thank you." She said her eyes finally faltering away from mine, releasing me from the pure intensity of her gaze, granting me a reprieve. "I knew all those rumors of how horrible you are to the fans had to be lies. Zac said you were the nicest person he knew."
"Zac said that?" I said. Memories of our fight the day before entered my mind, he and I had some not so nice things to say to each other, but really buses are so small and living on top of each other was not always pleasant.
"Yeah, the way he talked about you, I would have thought he was in love with you." She said scuffing back and forth. She was watching her battered tennis shoes as avidly as she had been watching me earlier.
"So, you know Zac?" I asked.
"I met him a couple of months ago, in LA." She said, her eyes caught mine momentarily and then looked quickly away. "We spent some time together."
"Oh, cool." I said forcing a smile. She knew him from LA, that couldn't mean it was anything good. When we were in LA last, Zac had gotten himself in a lot of trouble. The kind of trouble that usually finds its way onto the front page of some tabloid. But somehow, his arrest had managed to stay under the radar. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because he probably didn't want that sort of notoriety. Still, it's a bad thing because that means he was so far under the radar that no one noticed. I found it highly troubling that this dark girl knew him during his dark days. "Who should I say this is from?"
"Symphony." She said a sad half smile on her lips. "Just tell him it's from Symphony."
"Are you coming to the show tonight?" I asked baffled by her mysterious smile.
"Naw, I'm headed home as soon as I leave here."
"Where is home?"
"Wherever…"
My next question was interrupted by a blood-curdling shriek.
I turned to see the bundle of blonde energy sitting on the ground, blood running from the fresh cuts on her knees and elbows. Apparently, she and Zoë had just had some sort of cataclysmic collision both of them were pretty scraped up. "Mommy!!" She wailed her voice losing it's lovely, lilting quality.
"Oh crap, I have to go…" I turned around, but Symphony was already gone. I rushed around the fountain, because the dancing water was just a little too unpredictable and I didn't feel like getting wet. "Baby, what happened?"
"I broked my leg." She moaned.
"I don't know what happened, one minute she was skipping. The next, she was skidding across the fountain straight into me." Zoë explained shrugging. At eight, Zoë was already stunning. She was simply one of the most beautiful single human's I'd ever seen. Her blonde curls framed her face somehow making her huge eyes look even larger.
I scooped both of them up off the ground. Zoë was trying bravely not to cry, but I could tell she was hurting.
"Are you okay?" I asked Zoë as the squirming, screaming blonde girl practically climbed me. "Do you need help back over to the venue?"
"I'm okay." Zoë said unable to stop the smile as the baby settled against my neck. She began to hiccup with mournful sobs. "My knee just got skinned a little."
"Zoë, you are fine." Jessica said rolling her eyes. Since she had turned 18, Jessica had developed quite an attitude about having to travel with her family, about being lumped with the "little" kids, about… just about everything. She had an actual countdown calendar for when she would get to leave her family to go to college. I don't think anyone was ever so excited to start school, or to move into a dorm room. She had already chattered away excitedly about rushing my old sorority as a legacy. The thing she didn't know was the rest of us were just as interested in this countdown.
"I broked my leg." The little one sobbed.
"I know," I said smoothing my hand over her blonde curls. Annabelle Beatrice Hanson was the joy of my life... She looked like the angel her father and I were sure she was. Most of the time when I looked at her, I was completely surprised that she was mine. Born on January 1st, a short seven and a half months after Taylor and I married in Las Vegas. She had been conceived during the trip to New York. When we were saying our "I do's," we had no clue that she was a little bean growing inside of me.
Most couples would probably have been upset to find out that they were starting their married life and their family all in one. But really, baby Belle was a gift like nothing either of us had ever received. An unrepentant Daddy's girl, Annabelle simply pulled her father along after her on all of her adventures. He was her willing accomplice, much to my frustration. She was horrifically spoiled, but also a delight. Her little body quivered with another sob. "Shh..."
"I want my daddy!" She wailed with renewed energy.
"Okay, let's go find him." I said as I mounted the stairs. I noticed I still had the letter from the strange girl in my hand. "Avery, can you take this letter and stick it in my back pocket for me?"
"Yeah." She said taking it out of my hand and smoothing it out. "Who's it for?"
"Zac." I said as she stuffed it in the back pocket of my baggy shorts.
"Who's it from?" She asked as we crossed the street in front of the venue.
"A girl who claims to be his friend." I said as we walked up to the door being guarded by the newest security guy. "She said it was important I give it to him…"
"Something important in a letter from a teenie?" Jessica asked as she pushed past me. "Let me weigh those odds."
"Jess, there is no reason to be so negative." Avery said watching as Jess stalked off. Avery looked at me and sighed heavily. She smiled her most winning smile at me and laughed. Avery was a blast of pure sunshine; happiness simply flowed from her. She was the happiest human being I'd ever met. "You know, I just don't get why some people are so hell-bent on being negative."
"Avie, honey, don't swear." Diana said as she came out of the dressing room. She was in search of whoever the squalling child was. When Baby Bea (as her grandmother called her) saw Diana, her sobs were renewed. "And you know you shouldn't talk about your sister that way. She is just having a hard time right now." Diana said pressing a quick kiss on Avery's forehead. "Zoë, baby, what happened?"
"Belle and I ran into each other in the fountain." Zoë explained.
At these words, Annabelle wailed again. "Grandma, Zoë broked my leg!"
"Somehow, I doubt that's true." Diana said as she guided a limping Zoë into the dressing room she had just come out of.
Avery and I began the long walk along the corridor that led to the main arena. I could hear the sad, smooth strains of Underneath echoing down to where I was walking. Taylor's voice sent shivers down my spine. The timbre and tone literally caused my body to react. When I sighed, Avery laughed. "You know, you two are so in love still it's cute."
"Cute?" I asked, stopping short as we stepped into the arena. I was totally taken aback again by just how perfect and wonderful my beloved husband was. "I do love him."
"I know." Avery said sitting down on one of the crates that had recently held part of Zac's drum kit. "You and Tay are still like newlyweds… Ike and Emory have always been an old married couple, even when they first met."
"I think that's a good thing, right?" I asked. Annabelle was fighting to get down. But first I wanted to get her headphones on; this was something she fought every time. "Belle, hold still..."
"It is a very good thing." Avery said swaying slightly as her brothers moved seamlessly into a very rocking version of The Ramones "I wanna be sedated."
I finally set a very angry Annabelle down. She screamed "Daddy!" as she took off for the stage at a flat out sprint.
"Zac was born to sing this song." I sighed as I sat next to her, enjoying all the perks that come with being among the inner circle.
As the sobbing Annabelle went up the stairs, the music came to a jangling stop. Taylor turned to see the light of his life running towards him. As he fell to one knee his arms open wide, I knew in that one moment, that one simple action, I was seeing love in it's purest form. Taylor and Annabelle were true soul mates. They loved each other in ways that I could barely understand. No, that isn't true. I knew the depth of their love, for I loved both of them in that way. But there was something extra; they seemed to understand one another without very many words or no words at all.
The day I discovered I was pregnant was very traumatic for me. I remember I was on the bus leaning back watching a movie.
"Cleo, do you have any tampons?" Emory had just come out of the bathroom.
"No," I said shrugging. Zac and I were watching Spinal Tap for the fifth time that week. For some reason, we were both just really taken with Christopher Guest movies.
"Dang, I can't believe we've both run out." Emory said turning to go back towards the front of the bus. "I'll just ask the driver to stop at the next little gas station."
"I haven't run out," I said shrugging. "I just haven't had my period since the tour started."
"Oh man, way too much information." Zac said sticking his fingers in his ears.
"That isn't possible," Emory said turning back towards me. "We've been on the road for six weeks... Cleo, are you..."
"NO!" I said sitting up. "No..."
"Well, when was the last..." She said sitting next to me.
I closed my eyes and counted back. "The last week of March..."
"Cleo, that was four months ago." Emory said counting back on her fingers. "How could you miss your period 4 times and not notice?"
"I don't know," I said my hands going to my belly. At the show the night before, Zac had commented on the fact that my belly was feeling particularly Buddha-like. "We've been so busy, everything has been completely crazy and everything just kept happening..."
"Are you on birth control?" Emory asked her eyebrows knitting together.
"No, we use condoms." I said shrugging. "The pill makes me sick. And I have fibroids in my breasts; my dad said it was probably best if we used another method. I was going to get an IUD when I got back to Tulsa..."
"And the information just keeps flowing." Zac said shaking his head. "I may throw up."
"I don't think you're going to need one for a while." Emory said completely ignoring Zac.
"No, I must have had my period and have just forgotten," I said pulling my shirt tight over my belly. But when I did that, my denials all became mute. The fact of the pregnancy was right there, a bump on my tummy.
"Unless you've swallowed a ball of some sort or are really, really gassy, you're pregnant!" Zac said a little too loudly. "Tay!!"
"What?" I heard a very sleepy voice call from a bunk.
"Come here!" Zac said laughing. "You have to come here now."
"Jesus Zac," Taylor said as he stumbled into the back lounge. He looked sleepy and rumpled, but oh-so-sexy. He had this charm that was undeniable and a beauty that was only amplified by his messiness. "What is your problem?"
"I'm not the one with the problem..." Zac said laughing.
"What?" Taylor demanded. He hadn't been feeling well and I could totally see that he was not in the mood for some stupid jokes.
"Simmer down Daddy," Zac said a smile twitching around the edges of his lips.
"What are you talking about now?" Taylor demanded before dropping onto the couch next to me. He laid down, his head in my lap.
"Tay, there is a very remote possibility that I may be pregnant." I said running my fingers through his hair.
"What? Really?" He asked, his blue eyes laser locked to mine. "But how?"
"Probably New York," I answered as his hand went to my belly. I watched as a look of awe spread over his features. Not for one second did he look doubtful or incredulous. "It could just be stress that has kept me from having my period."
"Hello, baby," he crooned softly into my belly. "This is your daddy."
When she was born, Taylor cried and cried and cried. He sat on the edge of my bed holding a pink and squalling baby, her little fists waving around in the air. Undoubtedly very upset at the indignity of the birth process. And now that I know her, I'm sure that she was probably very angry that her public had seen her at anything less than her best. Her little cries sounded like nothing more than the soft mewling of a kitten. Taylor held her, tears just rolling down his cheeks. As her cries became more urgent, Taylor began to sing to her softly. At the sound of his voice, the voice that had sung to her before she was even born, she stopped mid-cry. She opened her muddy newborn eyes and looked at her father, both of them falling in love truly and completely. It was that moment when their bond was forged.
To say that Annabelle is Taylor's more feminine double is a little simplistic. She is undoubtedly a Hanson, but sometimes, she looked like me. And there were moments when she was running across the lawn chasing a ball or climbing up in a tree when I could see Thad on her heels chasing her, pulling her up into the tree, spurring her on to more and more daring things. The biddies at church said it was strange to have this little girl who looked like an angel (or like Taylor) and acted like the devil (like Thad and I).
Once, someone asked me if I was ever jealous of how much those two loved each other and I answered in all truth: absolutely not. I smiled as Taylor did an inventory of her various wounds. Gently he picked her up and hugged her close. As I sat watching the joyous reunion, I noticed Emory go marching out onto the stage. Emory stood up on her tiptoes and whispered into Isaac's ear.
"Hey, guys," Isaac said smiling. "Are we done here?"
"Yeah, I think we can be." Taylor said wiping sweat off his face, balancing Belle on his hip. "How you feeling Zac?"
"I think I'm done." He said sticking his drumsticks back in the quiver.
"How'd we sound?" Taylor asked into the microphone out to the faceless sound guy.
"Fantastic," a voice boomed out from everywhere. Before that word was even done echoing through the arena, Isaac and Emory were running up the corridor that led out of the arena. "You can be done... Bye Ike!"
"You know," Zac began, "I'm not sure how Ike performs under such pressure."
"Jesus Zac!" Taylor said rolling his eyes. "We don't know why they left."
"Oh please... She has him on such a tight leash that they only do "it" when she's ovulating." Zac said as he and Taylor walked towards me.
"Ugh, I think I'm too young for this conversation." Avery said covering her ears.
"Avery!" Zac crowed when he noticed her sitting beside me. "I keep forgetting you're here!" He said before scooping her up in his arms. "I think there must be a fountain around here I can dump you in!"
"No! Zac!!" Avery started yelling as he took off running up the corridor. "Zac! Put me down!!"
"He is so cruising," I said shaking my head. After years of dance, swimming and horseback riding lessons, she had become a very strong girl. But for the last three years of Karate, she had become formidable. She had thrown Zac more times than I could count. And he always came back for more. "You would think he'd remember that she can literally take him down?"
"Of course he doesn't remember, he thinks he's invincible." Taylor said moving Annabelle from one hip to the other.
"Well, I think we all know he's not." I said sighing. "You guys sounded great."
"Thanks,” Taylor said as he leaned in and kissed me quickly. "More importantly, did you know that Miss Annabelle has broken her leg?"
"That's the rumor," I said slipping in under his arm not currently occupied by our daughter. "It's a tragedy really."
"Well, I promised her that someone would attend to this mortal wound," Taylor explained as we walked back up to the green room.
"Yes?" I asked loving how warm he felt. "Who will be attending to this wound?"
"Grandpa Walker," Annabelle said in her sweet lisping voice.
"Oh, okay..." I said nodding my head.
"Cause you know Grandpa knows everything," Taylor said as we wended our way back to where the family was waiting for the evening to begin. Walker was sitting on the floor in front of the television playing a video game with Mackenzie and Zac. Apparently Avery was able to throw off Zac yet again. Walker really was just a big kid. "Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah?" Walker said not taking his eyes off.
"There is someone here who needs you..." Taylor began eliciting renew sobs from Annabelle.
At that Walker looked up at his squalling grandchild. "Oh baby Bea, what happened?"
"I broked my leg!" Annabelle hiccupped. "Mommy wasn't watching me closely enough!"
"What a bad Mommy!" Walker said gathering his grandchild into his arms.
"Hey, I'm not a bad mother!" I protested settling onto the couch next to Anne.
"I know," Taylor said patting the top of my head. I watched for a few minutes, as the room became a flurry of activity centered on my baby girl. She was so spoiled and so loved. And she didn't need me one bit. Or at least she didn't right now. I knew that once it got down to the nitty-gritty, she would want me. Not her daddy. Not her grandpa. But me.
"Well, I'm not." I mumbled as I picked up a magazine. She was being bribed to stop crying with candy and soda. I rolled my eyes knowing that she would either end up so juiced on sugar that I would never get her down for her nap and by show time she would simply be unbearable so I would miss the show dealing with a cranky unpleasant child. Or else, she'd get so sick that she'd have a terribly upset stomach so I'd miss the show sitting on the bus with a miserable little girl. Anyway I looked at it, I was a loser. "Yeah, fill her up with crap. That's a good choice."
"Sorry," Taylor shrugged.
"Yeah, whatever," I sighed. "He doesn't have to miss the show dealing with a hysterical two year old."
"I'm two and a half!" Annabelle protested.
"Yes, you are." I said trying not to laugh at her with her face all scrunched up at me in anger. Laughing at her when she was in a fit of righteous anger was not a good idea, but sometimes unavoidable. "I remember the day you were born... I was there. Unlike tonight's show..."
"Aw, well, I've seen the set list for tonight," Anne said resting her head on my shoulder. Anne had become the first best girlfriend I'd ever had. I was super close to Emory and I had always loved Jessica, Avery and Zoë like sisters. There had never been any separation or question in my love for them. But Anne was the first woman I'd ever felt a true friendship and kinship with. One of our bonds came from the fact that we both loved a Hanson boy beyond all reason. Of course, Anne's route to landing a Hanson was much rockier than mine. "You're not missing anything."
"I love to see them though," I said watching as Walker placed more band-aids than was necessary on Annabelle's knee.
"You can work the merchandise booth, I'll stay on the bus." Anne said sighing. "I just don't need to be insulted again tonight."
"Okay," I said smiling as Annabelle began to giggle. Taylor was tickling her with his chin. Her laughter was so sweet and unrestrained. And completely contagious. "No, if I left her with you sick, then I really would be a bad mother."
"Actually, you're one of the best mothers out there." Anne said as she stood and stretched. As she reached upwards, her ring caught the light. The ring she wore had come at quite a price, lots of break-ups and make-ups. When all of the garbage from Zac's trip to Los Angeles finally settled, he told me that he found himself standing on a ledge. He could either step away from the edge and go on with a crazy, but unfulfilling life or he could jump headlong into the unknown and take a lifelong cruise on the Loveboat. So, their last make-up appeared to be permanent. "I suppose I should go out and finish putting the merchandise booth up."
"You know, that ring could blind someone in the right light." I said pretending to be blinded.
"I tried to make Zac get a smaller, less obnoxious ring," Anne said admiring the gorgeous diamond ring. "But he said there was no way that Taylor was going to outdo him in this…"
"Why is it that everything is a competition amongst these boys?" I asked smacking Zac on the back of the head. "You know not everything is about who is the best… Why do you make everything a game of "I'm better than you"?"
"Because, it just is… You have to realize that I'm the best brother." Zac said getting off the floor and sitting on me. "I'm your favorite, just admit it."
"Of course you're my favorite," I said smoothing back his hair. "Now, get off me!"
"But I want to be on you…" Zac said licking my neck.
"Ew, really, get off." I said pushing him onto the ground.
"Cleo, I think that Belle is ready to go to the bus for a nap." Taylor said snuggling a much less hysterical Annabelle in his arms. "Are you ready for a nap baby Bea?"
"I'm not sleepy." She said her lip sticking out.
"Well, you don't need to sleep," I said pulling her literally away from her daddy. "But you do need to have a rest… We can watch whatever you want to watch, okay?"
"Can I color?" She asked as I walked out of the room with her.
"You can do whatever you want." I said loving the smell of her messy wild hair. I would have sworn that the sunshine lived inside her cause she smelled like blue skies and clean cotton sheets. "What movie do you want to watch?"
"Can I watch Daddy as a little boy?" She asked patting my cheek. I knew this meant that she wanted to watch Tulsa, Tokyo and the Middle of Nowhere.
"Of course you can," I said walking out into the blazing sunlight. The girls over by the gate started yelling my name and calling to Belle. She lifted her head off my shoulder and waved before settling her head on my shoulder again. She was such a little performer. She loved the attention the fans showered on her. She found it very annoying that we were always pulling her away from people who wanted to give her things.
"Mommy?" Annabelle asked as I entered the code to get on the bus.
"Yes baby?" I said as I set her down on the top step. She stood with her head cocked to the side, hands on her hips. She had a very intense look on her face. Taylor called this her Einstein look. She looked as if she were about to reveal the very secret of the Universe.
"I love you," she said throwing her arms around me and covering my face in kisses. "Do you love me?"
"More than anything." I said as I settled her onto the couch in the back setting her in the middle of the nest of pillows she had made earlier with her father.
"More than chocolate?" She asked pulling her blanket off the back of couch and wrapping it around her legs.
"Way, way more than chocolate." I answered as I rummaged through a cabinet filled with DVD's looking for her request.
"Hmm..." she said a studious look on her face as she thought of things that she loved. "More than Juicy Juice?"
"Tons more than that." I said as I sat next to her.
"More than crayons?" She asked.
"I would give up coloring forever I love you that much!" I said pulling her onto my lap. "I love you more than anything."
"More than Daddy?" She asked yawning, her big eyes staring sleepily at a very young Taylor. I felt such a rush of emotion as I thought about how much I loved the two people who played such vital roles in my life. I loved both of them so fully and completely. But Belle was flesh of my flesh, I made her and there was nothing I could think of that I wouldn't do for her. I loved them both entirely. It was hard to define or quantify just how huge and overwhelming my love for them was. But, I can say this, there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do for the baby enfolded in my arms.
"Daddy who?" I whispered kissing the top of her head. As she moved closer and closer to sleep, her body became heavier, more substantial. As her breathing evened out, she turned towards me, snuffling into my shoulder. She sighed heavily and mumbled something in her sleep. I watched her face move through her dream; her thumb slowly finding it's way into her mouth. I leaned forward and kissed the top of her head, whispering softly into her down-soft hair. "I love you more than anything you could ever name."
Taylor and I had tried almost everything to keep her from sucking her thumb. And we won that most of the time. But, her perfect, pouty lips were so beautiful pursed around her thumb; I was loath to take it out. In this position, she transformed into a Hanson. Her Danish heritage lay plainly on her features. I know I said that she wasn't Taylor's clone, but really she was. Same nose, same eyelashes splayed across the same pink cheeks, same eyebrows arching perfectly over pale, almost translucent eyelids... My own personal, living, breathing Bottecelli...
At some point I must have fallen asleep, because a hand on my shoulder was shaking me gently. I dragged my eyes open to see Taylor leaning over me. "Cleo, do you want to come inside and get some food?"
"Hmm?" I asked trying to move, but I realized that there was a baby on my chest. "What time is it?"
"It's about 7:00." Taylor said sitting on the floor. He was gently moving my hair out of my face.
"You let me sleep too long," I said shifting slightly.
"You must have needed it." He said resting his arm along the edge of the couch. "And really, Belle needed her mommy."
"I don't know about that," I said looking down at her face smashed into my breast, a small puddle of drool collecting on my t-shirt.
"I know," he said taking one of her curls and wrapping it around his finger. His hands were so big and rough looking, but right now, they were gentle and tender. His calloused finger gently laid a curl over Annabelle's cheek. "She is so much like you…"
"No she isn't," I said watching his face as it adored his baby. "You know, she is all Hanson."
"Maybe in looks, but the rest is all you." He said leaning his head in his hand watching us closely. "She is so funny and fearless and pretends to be so tough, but when she is hurt..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." I said rolling my eyes. "She becomes a quivering mass of neediness."
"No, it's not that at all," he began smoothing his hand over my hair, resting it on my cheek. "She just shows the cracks in the armor. You know, sometimes it feels good to be needed."
"Ah..." I said turning my head and kissing his palm. "I always need you."
"I know, but it's good to be reminded once in a while." He sighed softly a smile on his face. "As I sat here watching you sleep..."
"How long were you watching us?" I asked.
"I don't know, maybe twenty minutes." He shrugged.
"That's kind of creepy," I said shifting again. Annabelle was getting heavy.
"Oh please," he said chuckling. "I've watched you sit and watch her sleep for hours on end. So, don't talk to me about creepy."
"Fine," I said shifting again trying to sit up. Taylor jumped up and grabbed Annabelle off my chest. He had her cradled in his arms like a baby. But her long, long legs hung well over his arm. "Thanks."
"But, as I was saying...” He said settling on the couch across from me. "All of Ike and Emory's trying for a baby has made me want another one."
"I know," I said smiling at him. Somehow, I knew this moment had to be coming. "Actually, I think Belle is getting a little too spoiled. She needs someone to share the limelight, keep her from becoming unbearable."
"She is definitely strong-willed." He said before kissing her forehead. Such perfect, matching profiles, I loved their gently upturned noses.
"Oh man, is she ever?" I asked, not expecting any sort of answer to my hypothetical question. "So, what were you thinking?"
"I was thinking if it's a boy...” He trailed off.
"What?" I asked as I stretched.
"If it's a boy, can we name it Jordan Thaddeus?" He asked a slight look of concern painted on his face. I could tell that he was expecting to be attacked. Or at the very least told no about having another baby. But really, I had been thinking about it for a while. "And, we could call him Thad.
"Sounds like a brilliant idea." I said watching his face move from a look of defense to one of happiness.
"Really?" He asked.
"Really, really." I said trying not to laugh at his excitement. We sat facing each other quiet, lost in our own thoughts of what love was, what love meant. These moments of quiet comfort meant so much to me. And in these moments I felt like the Grinch with my heart swelling so much it felt like it was going to pop right out of my chest. I sat with my eyes locked onto Taylor’s. His stare was so intense it was almost palpable. The blue seemed to wash over me like a warm blanket. Love wasn't just a concept.
I noticed Annabelle beginning to stir. "Cleo, you have no idea how much I love you."
"Actually, I think I do."
"Daddy?" A small tired voice cracked. "Did you know Mommy loves me more than you?"
Taylor and I both burst out laughing.
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