Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15
Hanson Through My Eyes
Chapter 11
The night of Jessica’s birthday, the family took her to the Hard Rock Cafe and had a little party. I actually did not go, I stayed in the hotel with the rest of the Hanson entourage and we kind of hung out all night. The other musicians are really cool, they are a lot of fun. We were sitting in the hotel and I was listening to my CD player. Scott (the blond one) asked what I was listening to and I handed him the headphones to listen for himself. He put the headphones down on the rug and went to get his guitar, after picking up the guitar and hitting the repeat button at least four times, he started playing the bass of the song that was on my CD player.
"How do you do that?"
He took the headphones off and answered, "I’ve heard it before.
"That’s incredible. Have you ever seen the sheet music?"
"No. It’s not that hard. I’ve been playing for a long time."
"I can’t believe you can play by ear." Playing by ear means that you can play the notes without ever reading the music. It is amazing talent that few people have. I was shocked that he could do it.
The family came back around nine and Jessica was jumping around yelling because it was her birthday. She calmed down long enough to tell me what she got for her birthday and how dinner was.
"Dinner was great, no one bothered us. Jason told the people that worked there not to tell anyone that we were coming. It was fun, I brought you back a piece of cake, it’s in my room. You better go get it before Mack eats it though."
As we walked back to her room, she was excitedly telling me about her presents. The cake was sitting untouched on the table, I was amazed that Mackenzie didn’t eat it. I picked up the cake but realized that there was no fork to eat with so I asked Jessica if she wanted to go for a walk. We decided that room service was just too slow so we put the cake in my room and took the elevator to the lobby. There was a bar in the hotel and I took Jessica’s hand and went to ask the bartender. He gave us one and we went back upstairs. As the doors opened we saw Jason and Mr. Hanson. They did not look happy, they were upset because we didn’t tell anyone where we were going and basically chewed us out. I explained that it was my fault and that it wouldn’t happen again.
Jason stopped me and let Jessica go with her father, "We had problems this morning with girls trying to sneak into the hotel and we thought maybe something had happened. We’re not angry, just don’t go off again."
"Sorry" was all I could say. I felt horrible that I made them worry, especially considering that I had Jessica with me. I never took any of them with me after that, I hated making her parents worry.
I never actually got to eat the cake because I stupidly asked the boys of they wanted any and before I could protest, they had devoured the whole piece and I stood with the fork in my hand. I brought a gift bag back into Jessica’s room and she tore it open. I didn’t know what to get her, so I spent two days racking my brain thinking of things to get her. I finally decided on a copy of the book Little Women, I love the book and thought she might like it too. I wasn’t sure if she would like it, but she seemed to honestly enjoy the gift. At night I would read a little bit to Avery and Jessica and during the day, the Trio of Trouble and I were frequently asked the definition of a word from the book.
After Sydney, we headed to Melbourne, Australia. We got off the plane and were mobbed by screaming girls. This was definitely a shock, I didn’t think there would be so many people. My mouth just hung open as more and more people came to gawk or scream at us. I walked ahead of them with the rest of the musicians and Louis. The airport provided assistance but there were people everywhere, screaming bloody murder. We got our luggage and piled into cars. I was so happy to have quiet, although you could still hear screaming even after the guys had already pulled away. The guys had to do a sound check right after they got off the plane so we went right to the venue from the airport. The place they played was actually a parking lot behind a mall in Melbourne. The sound check was fun, the guys fooled around for a half an hour while the technicians fooled with the sound and lights. The guys didn’t sing but they fooled around with the microphones while the technicians tried to get the sound just right. Some girls were already waiting outside for the concert the next day. It was freezing that night so the mall agreed to let the girls move inside so they could warm up. They brought sleeping bags and got to hear the guys do their sound check. It was actually pretty cool, the girls didn’t scream too loud.
Melbourne was nice, the guys had a television show to do and the hosts presented them with platinum records for Mmmbop and Middle of Nowhere. It was unexpected and the guys were psyched for the rest of the day. The whole army o’ Hanson had cheesy smiles on their faces. I thought we were going to have to surgically remove the plaques from the guys’ hands. We were all gathered backstage after the concert. Everyone was admiring the plaque and I turned around to pick Mackenzie up. I looked down at the floor and didn’t see him. He was right here a second ago, I thought. I moved around everyone to see if he was with his parents but he was nowhere to be found. Mrs. Hanson saw me looking around and moved her head around to see what I was looking for. I tried not to panic but it didn’t work very well. I immediately thought the worst and with every second I grew more and more scared. Mrs. Hanson moved away from the group, searching. Slowly the family’s smiles faded and we were all looking around for him. I started down a hallway toward the dressing rooms. He wasn’t there so I ran back to the family. Mackenzie was in his father’s arms and I gave a huge sigh of relief.
"Where was he?"
"He had a craving for chocolate and headed back down to the green room to eat the chocolate." The show had a table with all sorts of food on it for everyone. Apparently Mackenzie wanted some and headed back for it. He was licking the chocolate off his fingers while his parents were reprimanding him.
The guys had the concert in the shopping mall later that day and it was madness. I should know, I was in the crowd. They expected something like 8,000 people to show up and that many people were there by six o’clock in the morning. It ended up that a few girls in the audience were sent to the hospital. When the guys got there, I opted to watch the concert from the audience. Big mistake, I still have scars on my feet from where some girl kept stepping on them. As if that weren’t bad enough, she had high heels on. I was ready to slap her by the time the guys came on-stage. I met up with the family in a private room after the concert. I was limping considerably, my feet hurt so bad.
"What happened?" Zac had a concerned look on his face.
"Some girl that had better pray I never see her again. She started jumping up and down when you guys came on-stage, unfortunately for me she started jumping on my foot." I sat down on the floor and started untying my sneaker. The rest of the family hovered around me as I pulled my sock off. There wasn’t much damage, but there were impressions of her heels on my foot.
We got back to the hotel and the guys had a bunch of interviews to do, so the kids and I swam for the rest of the afternoon. We didn’t go out to a restaurant that night, we had food brought to our rooms. That was a lot of fun, we all sat around cross-legged on the rug, eating. It was like a picnic, only without the ants.
Just before Taylor took a bite of his sandwich he asked, "Do you miss your family yet?"
I had to think about it for a minute, "Yes I do, but not enough to want to go home yet. The computer helps a lot, if I didn’t have that I’d probably be more homesick." They had set up their laptop for me and I frequently went on-line to talk to my family and friends. Only it’s hard to get the gossip from my friends when they know three nosy boys are hovering over me, reading every word on the screen. I had to sneak around on the computer so I can find out how all my friends are really doing. I don’t mind it though, most of my friends enjoy chatting with the guys every once in a while.
"Do you guys miss Tulsa?"
"Yeah, but this is great. I mean Australia is awesome."
I reached over for my soda and before taking a sip I said, "I know, I can’t thank you enough for letting me come with you. I would probably never see Australia if it weren’t for your parents."
"They like it, Mom’ll never admit it but she’s tired. At least with you here, they don’t stress as much about us."
Isaac joined in on the conversation and added, "Besides Avery and Jess really like you. I don’t think Jess has put the book down yet." We all looked over at her, she was sitting with her back against one of the beds. She was thoroughly engrossed in the book and was absently taking tiny bites out of her sandwich, "She really likes it."
"I can’t remember when I first read it, I think I was a little bit older than her, but I loved it. She’s a lot smarter than I was at nine so I figured she’d understand it."
We finished eating and just talked for the rest of the night. There was really nothing to do. We were fooling around out on the balconies and taunting the crowds below. I wasn’t allowed to go out on the guys’ balcony. That would be a bit difficult to explain to an observer: why a seventeen year old girl would be in the Hanson’s hotel room. The media would have a field day with that.
I was sitting on my bed sorting through my backpack, trying to find something when Zac came in and did a somersault across my bed. You get used to Zac’s little energy fits, it’s like he stores his energy and all of a sudden he explodes into a ball of activity. I moved my leg before he landed on it.
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to find a paper with my friends email address on it. I’ve searched through most of this crap..uh, stuff and can’t find it. I know it’s in here though, I think I wrote it on a napkin."
He was looking through the stuff that was piled on the bed and picked up my drivers license. I watched him pick it up and warned him, "It’s a horrible picture, I look like a psycho." He eyed it suspiciously and replied, "You look like a serial killer."
"It was early in the morning and the cop that gave me my test was a jerk."
"Hey, what’s today’s date?"
"I don’t know, I think it’s the second. Why?" He jumped of the bed and ran back down the hall to his room. I was confused, "Um...ok...what was that all about?" He walked calmly (well, as calm as your going to get out of Zac) back down the hallway and gave me back my license, "You know your birthday’s in two weeks?"
"I know, actually it’s in thirteen days. My mom said she’d have a cake waiting for me when I got home. You guys are going to be in Canada or at least on the way."
"How old are you going to be?"
"Check the year on the license."
He looked at it and looked back at me. I could see his mind trying to subtract 1979 from 1997, "eighteen?" "Yup, I can vote in thirteen days. Whoopee!" I made a circular motion in the air with my finger, "That was sarcasm by the way."
He was looking at me and laughing, "I know."
Everyone seemed to gravitate to my room and we were watching some really cheesy movie on TV. Isaac made some really mean comment and I smacked him upside the head with my pillow. Big mistake, within a matter of three seconds we were all scrambling for pillows to hit each other with. The girls ran back to their room and grabbed their own. This started ten minutes of pillow fighting. I was careful not to hit the girls or Mackenzie too hard, but I whacked Taylor so hard he fell over Zac, who was on the floor. He got back up and take his anger out on Isaac, "Hey that wasn’t me. Sami did it." Of course, he turned on me and we ended up attacking each other with the pillows. Seriously, I forgot how much fun a good pillow fight can be. And it’s fun to have pillow fights with the TOT because if you have ever had a pillow fight with a guy you know they have the advantage because their hair doesn’t get in the way. With the guys, it gets in the way and makes it hard to see.
The guys started attacking each other, the girls and I thought that was stupid so we went back to their room and fooled around on their balcony. The city is really pretty at night. The crowds were pretty much gone for the night and we were just fooling around. I looked up at the stars and started making a wish.
Avery looked up at me, "What are you doing?"
"This is going to sound stupid but I’m wishing on a star."
"That’s not stupid...what are you saying?"
"My grandmother taught me a saying when I was little and you look at the first star you see in the sky and make a wish. Then you keep looking at it and say, ‘Starlight, Star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish, I wish tonight.’ Then hopefully your wish will come true."
Jess asked, "What did you wish for?"
"Didn’t you ever see Cinderella? You never say what you wish for or it won’t come true. Geez, I thought you two would be experts on Disney movies."
Avery was looking up at the sky and asked, "What do you say again, I want to make a wish." I repeated it for both her and Jessica and they both made wishes. This may sound corny to you, but it was really cute for the girls.
The boys had finished beating each other up and came to find us, "Hey we’re did you guys go?"
"We got bored watching you fight so we came out here."
"Sami taught us how to wish on stars." The guys weren’t as excited about this as the girls were. Probably because it’s just not cool to make wishes when you’re a guy, I don’t know.
One of the days we were in Melbourne, we went to the zoo. That was really nice although not everyone was in a good mood. It was kind of cold out and we were followed everywhere we went. Not that it doesn’t happen all the time but it was especially annoying that day. I’m not sure why we were cranky, I think Taylor was sick that day. I remember him being particularly quiet that day. Anyway, the zoo was really nice, the animals were cute.
Mrs. Hanson and the two girls and I went to the bathroom. I was washing my hands when I looked up and saw a girl corner Avery in the reflection of the mirror. I spun around so fast I knocked my backpack off the sink. I picked it up and ran to help Avery. She was facing the girl, who was asking her if she was Hanson’s sister. I grabbed Avery’s hand and physically put myself as a barrier between her and the girl. I was so angry, the girl was trying to get Avery to give something to one of the guys. I was holding onto Avery’s hand while she was standing behind me, peeking around to see the girl.
"If you want to give the guys something, why don’t you give it to them yourself?"
"I can’t, the bodyguards won’t let us get near them."
"Well, I’m sorry. Don’t harass her trying to get to her brothers." I was so pissed, I couldn’t believe this girl was so rude.
"Don’t get angry, besides this doesn’t concern you." Mrs. Hanson found us, grabbed Avery from behind me and took both girls back outside to the rest of the group. I stayed behind and gave the girl a piece of my mind. I really shouldn’t have yelled at the girl, but she was rude and I was pissed. It wasn’t that she tried to get to the guys, but that she cornered Avery trying to do it. She had Avery almost up against the wall. She followed us throughout the rest of the day even though I asked her not to, "You know they deserve privacy too. Please don’t follow them." That’s when she accused me of being a b*tch. Oh well, I’ve been called worse. I watched her and her two friends for the rest of the day. She didn’t say anything to anyone, possibly because I threatened her, "If you so much as breathe near any one of those children, I will rip every hair out of your head." I shouldn’t have said that to her, but she really made me angry. It’s those girls that give fans a bad name.
After we got back to the hotel, Avery asked me what I said to the girl.
"Nothing, I just told her to please stay away from you and not to bother your family." I don’t think she believed me but she never said anything. She saw how angry I was throughout the day.
The night we got back from the zoo, I decided to do my own thing. Actually, I didn’t really want to, but I think I had to. Tons of restaurant food was taking its toll on my body and before I couldn’t fit into any more of my clothes, I found the gym in the hotel. I am not graced with high metabolism like the guys are, so I had to work off the junk food I had been eating. I have heard people say how thin all three of the guys are. You have to remember that the camera adds ten pounds so when you see them in person they’re even thinner. They stay so thin because they are always doing something. When you first meet them they are a bit reserved but after a few minutes you are begging them to stop talking. Try getting a word in edgewise with the three of them around, it’s impossible. I’m just kidding but seriously the guys are very active.
Anyway, while I was doing my thing, I started thinking about the three of them. I had been with them for a few weeks and kind of knew how they ticked. These are just some of the things that I noticed about them:
I’ll start with Isaac, he seems to have an extensive knowledge of music. Not that the other two don’t, but watch Isaac’s face while they are performing. Through the first few notes of each song, he gets this really serious look on his face or he’ll look down. He does that to listen. It’s not because he’s nervous-he’s listening to the harmony of their voices and the sound of each of the instruments. He doesn’t look at the audience for a few seconds because watching the audience breaks his concentration. If one of them is off by a fraction of a note or sharp or flat, Isaac knows it and he’s agitated through the whole performance. When he is certain everything is fine, he relaxes and smiles and does his thing. His father can be the same way, Mr. Hanson can be a very intense person when he concentrates on something. It’s just the way they are, like father-like son. On the other hand, he can be extremely goofy. I have seen him act like a complete moron and he could care less about how he looks or what people think. Isaac can be both intense and insane in the same breath, he is the best of both worlds. He is the protective older brother, and not just with Avery, Jessica or Mackenzie, he guards his whole family. I feel bad for anyone that even thinks of saying anything bad about his family or god forbid laid a hand on any one of them, Isaac’d kill them. I had to laugh because in one of the stories on the Net, a girl wrote that Isaac got so angry at a girl, he hit her. Isaac would never, ever hit a girl, it goes against everything he believes in. Every one of them is that way, none of them would hurt a girl.
I have heard people tease Taylor because he is so...active on-stage, bouncing around and basically never standing still. But if you get to know him, he has an incredible sense of rhythm. For him to dance, keeps him from losing the beat of the song. Most people think that the tambourine is a simple instrument to play and it is...if you suck at it. But to play it well, takes an incredible sense of rhythm. Taylor plays it extremely well-it’s like a sixth sense that he has. And the bongos, ever try to get a beat out of those stupid things? Good luck. He plays both and does them very well. The only drawback is that he doesn’t stop when he gets offstage. Ever try to read when someone is tapping a pencil next to you? Try it, you’ll go insane. I got so angry, I grabbed the pencil from his hand and broke it in half. It’s not his fault, it is just the way he is. It just gets a little annoying when you’re trying to read. Another thing, try walking with him when he has a song in his head, it’s impossible. He walks/dances to the rhythm in his head. It’s actually pretty funny. I tease him about it all the time. If they have a bad performance, Taylor is usually the one that takes it the hardest, "I should have hit the note or I was slow on the bridge." He just worries too much sometimes. It kind of makes me nervous, I am afraid he is going to crack under the pressure but he always bounces back with a smile.
Now on to Zac. Zac is the greatest. He’s everyone’s best friend. Everyone should have a friend like Zac. He is the first one to tell you that you look great when you know you look horrible. He’s like your own personal cheering squad. Aside from that, he can be a bit hyper, but what eleven year old isn’t? Can you name an eleven year old that would be able to deal with this much stardom this fast? I can’t. I mean think about, he endures the stupid (and I mean stupid) questions of the press. I actually sat and watched while a woman asked him when and where the band met. I had to get up and walk away because I was afraid I was going to burst out laughing and ruin the whole interview. As much as we try to shield him from it, he still hears some of the negative comments that people make. I can’t even imagine how much maturity and self-confidence that takes. Think about it, in one of the magazines I read they were walking down the street in New York City and someone yelled, "You suck." Do you know what could that do to their self-esteem? Zac is just mature enough to know that that person is mean and ignorant. He also acquired Taylor’s rhythm, he has little drumming fits where he goes off and does a whole drum solo just because he feels like it. He teases the others because in a band it is usually the drummer that controls the tempo of the song. He knows this and uses it to his advantage every once in awhile. He really is a great kid. If he gets nothing out of his stardom, he’d be content with the silliest things-i.e. the pictures he has taken from all over the world.
The three younger ones: Jessica is very mature and asks tons of questions. She wants to know how everything works. She is very curious and she is also very smart. Jess is a little more independent than Avery is. Avery is the quieter of the two girls, she doesn’t question things, she just kind of accepts things as they are. Avery also draws well, she doodles a lot and she is very good. Mackenzie is a ball of energy. He loves being with his brothers and looks up to them with the highest affection and admiration. Mackenzie also likes to sit and listen to the guys practice. No matter how many times they have to play one line over and over to get it right, Mackenzie is always listening. The first time I heard them play live, Mackenzie was standing backstage waiting for them, he nearly tackled them when they got offstage. He was so happy, it was the sweetest thing to see. He kept saying, "Sami, they’re playin’. Can you hear them?"
When dealing with fans, Jessica doesn’t understand why the girls scream so much, "It’s just my brothers." Avery is not that vocal about the crowds but after the zoo in Australia, she was much more cautious around people. Mackenzie, doesn’t really like the screaming but he loves the way that they respond to him. He loves the attention, he has the adorable factor going for him. These are just some things that I noticed about them. You may totally disagree with me, that’s your business.
I went back to my room and took a shower. I figured I wouldn’t be seeing the family for the rest of the night so I put on my Tweety and Sylvester pajamas. Yes, I am seventeen years old and I do own Looney Tunesâ pajamas. I thought the door to my room was closed and I put my headphones on and was dancing around my room. You know how you dance when you don’t think anyone is watching? Don’t deny it, we all do it. Well, I was acting like a total moron and almost died when I turned around and all six of them were watching me dance in my pajamas. Do you ever have those moments when you want to crawl underneath the rug and die from embarrassment? That was one of those moments. Thank god I wasn’t singing, my dancing is bad enough but my singing is horrible (I can’t carry a tune in a bucket).
Everyone just kind of stood silent for a few seconds. I don’t think anyone knew what to say. I sat down on my bed silently begging for someone to take me away so I didn’t have to spend the next two weeks with these people so they could make fun of me. Actually, they were really nice about it and only stifled a few laughs before they regained their composure.
As a matter of fact, that night was one of the most memorable. We plugged a radio in and all of us ended up dancing around in the room. It was a lot of fun, all seven of us were just fooling around. I had Mackenzie stand on my feet and was kind of teaching him how to dance. Then the inevitable happened, a song ended and then the room filled with the familiar beginning chords of Mmmbop, we all kind of stopped for a second. We laughed it off but it’s kind of weird to hear the song on the radio while you’re standing next to the band. After the song was over the radio announcer said, "Girls get your binoculars out. Hanson is in Melbourne, if you’ve seen them than call us." We listened to some of the callers, they were saying that they went to the zoo and saw them or they were at the mall and stuff. It was really pretty funny. I wanted to call but they wouldn’t let me, I guess they didn’t want me to divulge any deep, dark secrets.
The next morning, we were all a little tired. Mackenzie ended up falling asleep in my room while everyone else was still talking, so instead of waking him up I just slept in his bed in the girls’ room. I was a little nervous leaving him alone in the room because if he woke up in the middle of the night, I didn’t want him to get scared. But just to prove me wrong, he slept the whole night and I practically had to drag him out of bed the next morning.
"Mackenzie, you have to get up." No answer.
"Mackenzie, come on. You don’t want to be late." A little movement but he only rolled over to ignore me.
I shook him on the shoulder and tried again. I heard a giggle from underneath the blankets so I pulled them back and tickled him till he was begging for me to stop. Mackenzie is a sweetie, he just gets a kick out of everything. I carried him upside down back down the hallway to his sisters. I knocked on their door and Avery leaned upside down to speak to him, "Mack, what’d you do this time?"
"I didn’t do anything. Sami’s bein’ mean." I proceeded to tickle him again.
Avery moved aside so I could put him down on his bed and left them all to get ready.
I was in my room getting ready when Mrs. Hanson came in. She was already dressed, while I was still in pajamas. Everyone was used to seeing me in pajamas by now; they were getting used to passing me in the hallway with me in PJs and slippers.
Mrs. Hanson came in and leaned against the wall, "Samantha, I just wanted to say thank you. I was a bit hesitant to bring you but you have definitely helped with the children. The girls really seem to look up to you, they talk about you a lot. The boys like you and Mackenzie just thinks you’re wonderful."
"No, this is so much fun. I should be thanking you for letting me come with you. I was kind of confused as to why you would ask me because you only knew me for a short time, but Jessica was telling me about your nanny before, Mrs. Spaulding. Jessica really seemed to like her. I was nervous as to how they would react to me."
"No Laurie, Mrs. Spaulding, was great but with her sick there was no way she could travel with us. The girls look up to you. Everything is, ‘Sami does this or Sami showed us that.’ They really like you."
I was about to speak when Avery ran in and announced that Jessica got gum stuck in her hair.
The next half an hour was hectic. Somehow Jessica got gum stuck in her hair. Don’t ask me how-it was only six o’clock in the morning. She tried to get it out and that only made it worse. It seemed like everybody was running into the room, examining Jessica’s hair. Zac made a comment about her having to cut it all off and she burst into tears. I kicked him out of the room after that, "Zac, I’ll cut your hair off if you don’t get out. Go get ready for breakfast. And put a shirt on that matches with your pants today. I don’t care what you say, red and purple do not match." After a bit of grumbling he finally left us alone. Mrs. Hanson was on the phone for ten minutes trying to get peanut butter from room service. For some reason they were out. I was trying to comfort Jessica but I don’t think I helped very much.
"Jess, don’t worry it’ll come out."
"No, (sniff) it won’t. Zac was (sniffle) right, I’m going (sniff) to have to (sniff) cut my hair (sniff)."
"Jess, we’re going to find the stuff to get it out. Don’t worry, just don’t touch your hair."
Louis (a bodyguard) and I elected to go out and try to find some peanut butter. I left the two girls on their bed. Mrs. Hanson was on the phone still trying to get peanut butter from room service when Louis and I left. Mrs. Hanson was slowly getting more and more agitated. You could hear it in her voice. Whoever was on the other end of the phone was stupid because from what I could hear they were talking to her like she was insane. Granted the hotel probably doesn’t get many requests for peanut butter that early in the morning but they were acting like we were asking for the moon.
Out on the street, Louis and I were laughing about the whole situation. We knew that there was a store at the end of the street so we headed there.
"I really hope that they’re open because I am not going back there without it. Mrs. Hanson sounds like she’s going to flip if someone doesn’t do something."
Louis couldn’t understand why we were getting peanut butter but felt stupid asking anyone in the hotel. So while we were walking to the store, he questioned me. "I don’t get it, why peanut butter?"
"The oil in it does something to the gum and pulls it off. You have to slather it all in your hair and it feels pretty gross but it gets the gum out. Though that part of your hair is greasy for, like, a week."
He was looking forward and just said, "Oh." Louis is cool. He’s big though, I wouldn’t want to get him angry. He’s about twenty-seven and is engaged to a woman named Sarah. He’s really easy going and is basically a big teddy bear outside of his job. He takes his job seriously and protects the TOT but when you’re with him normally, he’s really very nice and calm.
It was still dark out but we managed to find our way around and finally found a store that was open and had peanut butter. We bought a jar and hurried back to the hotel. When we got there, people were still running around trying to get ready and trying to calm Jessica down also. We walked into her room and Mrs. Hanson grabbed the bag out of my hand. She opened the top and was trying to rip the seal off when Jessica finally stopped sobbing. I really felt bad for her, she was scared and didn’t want to get her hair chopped off. Mrs. Hanson took to the task of getting the gum out while muttering under her breath about the hotel staff, "Why wouldn’t you have peanut butter? They knew we were coming...It’s peanut butter for Pete’s sake."
Jessica was sitting on the edge of the bathtub and I moved away from the doorway to go and talk to the rest of the kids. Avery was sitting on the bed, "Is it coming out?"
"It will. Don’t worry."
I left everyone else and went back to my room to continue getting ready for breakfast. Taylor came in about ten minutes later to tell me that they were ready to head down for breakfast. I was standing in front of the mirror, brushing my hair. I had the brush in one hand, my hair in the other and my barrette in my mouth. I tried asking how Jessica was but with the barrette in my mouth it was kind of difficult. After a few attempts at talking, it was obvious it was not going to happen. He finally he got so agitated, he came over and took the barrette out of my mouth.
"Is Jess all right?"
"Yeah, Mom’s staying up here helping her get ready because she has to take another shower but it came out."
"Oh, what’s she going to do about breakfast?"
"I don’t know, hopefully Jess won’t take that long."
He gave me back the barrette and went back to his room. I finished up, grabbed my backpack and headed for the girls’ room. I was walking down the hallway and people were starting to come out of rooms, gravitating to the elevators to go for breakfast. I stopped outside of the girls’ room and found Mrs. Hanson telling Jessica to hurry up and get in the shower. I thought it was unfair for her to miss breakfast because she was pregnant so I offered to skip the food and wash Jess’s hair in the sink.
"Oh, that would be great. But is she tall enough to reach over the sink." I put my bag down in front of the television and started shooing people out of the room. I picked up a chair and brought it into the bathroom and called Jessica over. After Mrs. Hanson was satisfied that we would be all right, she took the other two and headed down for breakfast.
"Okay Jess. Kneel on the chair and stick your head under the faucet."
After a few minutes of, "it’s too hot" or "it’s too cold," I finally got it right. I washed it, dried it and had it in a pony tail in less than 13 minutes. We got down to breakfast just as the guys’ meeting was starting. Their meeting was in a conference room in the basement and Jessica and I ate while they did their thing.
The guys had a few interviews that day and they had to tape a show that would air sometime after we left Melbourne. That night the guys and Mr. Hanson and most of the rest of the male population of the entourage went to see Con Air at a casino in the middle of the city. I had no desire to see it and enjoyed spending the night with the girls. Mackenzie was a bit bummed that he couldn’t see the movie with them. He put up a fuss when they left because he didn’t want to stay in the hotel and play with, "stupid Barbie." We had fun anyway though. We watched television and were just fooling around in their room. Mrs. Hanson fell asleep on the chair in the corner and we tried not to be too loud so we wouldn’t wake her up. The girls were playing hand games. You know the ones we used to play in elementary school like Miss Mary Mack. I used to play them, I’m not sure about you. The two girls are actually very good at it too. They do it very fast. Avery was trying to show me how to do it, but since I hadn’t done it in so long but it was kind of useless, I was out of practice. Mrs. Hanson woke up just before the guys got back and almost had Mackenzie agreeing to take a bath but as soon as the guys got back that plan was shot. Mackenzie wanted to hear all about the movie.
The guys got back around 9 and they were wired for sound. They thought it would be funny and entertaining to recreate the explosions and action scenes from the movie. The girls and I sat, dodging flailing arms and legs while the guys jumped around the room, yelling. Mackenzie thought it was great, he listened intently to everything they said. Mr. Hanson came in and told the TOT to go to bed at least four times before they finally left the room. I could still hear them down the hall after that. Our flight to Jakarta was early in the morning and no one had even started packing yet. I packed a little that night but Taylor came in and found the album my friends gave me just before I left.
"Hey what’s this?"
"Oh, my friends gave that to me just before I left. It has all sorts of pictures and jokes and stuff in it. It’s kind of our memories all through high school."
I stopped packing and went over to tell him who everyone was and explain all the little jokes that my friends had written to me. He had chatted with a few of my friends on-line before and now he was kind of happy to put a face with the names.
"What happened?"
"Oh that’s my friend Chrissy. We dared her to go out in pool in the middle of February. It was only like 30 degrees, her mom had a fit, but it was funny. You’ve talked to her a few times, she’s really funny. Basically, she’s nuts."
"Yeah, I would think so." I ended up going through the whole book and explaining all the stupid things we had done over the years.
"Liz really fell in the middle of the street."
"Yeah, it was a Chinese fire drill and she slipped. We were in the middle of traffic too."
"She could have been hurt."
"Yeah but you had to be there, it was hysterical. God, the stupid things we’ve done." The conversation turned a bit solemn then. Everyone was getting a little homesick and even though they had a few friends from Tulsa to come and spend some time with them while we were in Japan, they were getting tired and restless. I heard horror stories about the guys and their friends reeking havoc on the hotel in Tokyo.
"You guys are going to be back in America in two weeks. New York is going to be fun. Plus we have Bali next week, that’s going to be fun. Vacation!"
"Yeah, I’m looking forward to Bali." He really didn’t sound so enthusiastic but I think everyone was getting tired. "Are you getting excited about going home? Zac said your birthday is coming up."
"Yeah, I’m psyched, my mom’s throwing a birthday party for me. I should be home by the 14th. I’m happy but I’m kind of sad that I’m going to miss you guys in Toronto. I’d love to be there."
"Don’t worry, they’re taping it and you know Dad’ll tape it too. You can watch it in New York. At least you’ll be there for the concerts in New York."
"Do you guys even know how to play tennis?"
"No, I know absolutely nothing about tennis-at all."
"Remind me to bring my racket from home and I’ll show you guys so you don’t make a fool of yourself."
He kind of frowned a little, "Thanks"
I moved around him, packing up my belongings so I could sleep in a little before we had to go to the airport. He left my room after asking me about every little detail in the album. By the time he was done, he knew almost everything about me and my friends. The thing that surprised me was that he cared. He made me explain every picture and every quote that was written. Not that I minded, it didn’t bother me.
"When was that?" He pointed to a picture of my friends and I goofing around in a limousine.
"That was after my junior prom. We went in a limo and afterwards we drove around Boston. That’s me and Liz, hanging out the top of the limo being retarded, we were just fooling around."
I was lying in bed thinking, "If they don’t shut up, I’m going to hang them from the ceiling by their hair." I knew they were only having fun but I was tired and not in a really happy mood. I could hear the guys laughing and fooling around two doors down the hallway. I was debating whether to get out of bed and or to just stay there and hope they went to bed soon. I only had to think it over for a few moments before I heard their parents’ door open and a stern warning from Mr. Hanson. There was no more noise after that.
I woke up around 7:30 and hopped in the shower. I got out and finished packing up my things. I thought it a bit strange that there was so little noise from the hallway. Usually when the Army-O-Hanson is awake, you know it. After a few moments, I heard a door open and frantic knocking on many doors. I walked over and put my hand on the door knob just as someone knocked. Jason was standing there, it was obvious he woke up hurriedly.
"You’re up?" His eyes were wide.
"Yeah, I’ve been up for a half and hour."
"Did you get a wake up call? The front desk said they forgot to call everyone."
"No, I woke up anyway. Why are we that late?"
"The flight is in two hours."
"Oh sh-...sugar! All right, I’ll be right there." The whole no swearing thing was getting to me.
He left the door open and I could hear the children rushing to get ready. I brought my stuff out into the hallway and took to the task of helping the children finish packing. We just threw everything into the suitcases, whether it belonged there or not we just threw it in. The girls were really good and Mackenzie was picking his toys up off the floor and packing them away. Suitcase after suitcase started piling up in the hallway. I passed the guys’ room a few times and each time I was amazed at the scene. Clothes were flying everywhere and the guys were tripping over themselves trying to get ready. I stopped in front of their door and said, "You know if you guys had-" I stopped talking when Taylor threw a towel at my head.
We met at the elevators and went over our plan of action, the guys went down first and then everyone followed them. Jessica and Avery were arguing about who got to ride in the elevator with me and finally I silenced them by saying they both could. It was a tight squeeze with the three of us and all the luggage but I carried Avery on my back and we were all set. Jessica was psyched because she got to hit the buttons.
We got to the airport and were rushing to get to the terminal. The guys waved hurriedly to fans before going into the gate. I handed the woman my passport and she looked at it suspiciously. She looked at me a few times then back to the picture, "What is your name?"
"Samantha Dervan-the picture was taken a few months ago and I have since cut my hair but I assure you it’s me."
The woman wasn’t buying it but the other flight attendant glanced at the photo and took a quick look at me, "It’s her-let’s go, we’re late." "But-" She was going to protest but the man took my passport and handed it back to me and gave me a push down the hallway. The entourage had stopped and were waiting for me, curious as to why I was stopped.
We found our seats and I put my backpack and passport on the seat. I was muttering under my breath, "I look like me...Why do people question it?...So I’m not the photogenic person, is that my fault?"
Taylor was sitting in the seat next to me and while I was putting my bags in the overhead compartment, he picked up the passport.
"Wow! When was this taken? You look different."
"It was only taken in February. I cut my hair." I got a bit defensive, "I’m not that different. I just look pale that’s all."
"No that’s not it. You should see ours, they were taken three years ago. Everyone looks so young. I want to get it retaken but I can’t for two more years."
"Yeah, I know, they’re like licenses. Once you get it, you’re stuck with it for five years."
He pulled his backpack off the floor and was fumbling through it. He pulled out his passport and handed it to me. His looked tattered and worn as opposed to my new, shiny one. I opened it and looked at the picture. He was right, he did look young. He looked so much like Zac it was scary, his hair was short and he was smiling the way Zac does.
"Wow, you do look different." I flipped through it, looking at all the stamps he had in it. It seemed like he had been to every country in Europe.
The rest of the children gravitated over to our seats and we compared passports complaining about how different we looked.
I beat Isaac at Black Jack for twenty minutes before he finally admitted defeat.
"How do you do it?"
"I can read your face. You don’t have a good poker face at all."
He only gave me a noncommittal, "Oh"
"Besides Avery’s been helping me for the past ten minutes." He turned around, just in time to see Avery’s head duck down behind the seat. After a few minutes of playful harassment, he finally left her alone.
I stole Taylor’s Aerosmith CD from his Diskman while he was sleeping (I love the song Pink, it’s one of my favorites). He didn’t even know that I switch the CDs-you think he’d be able to decipher my Middle of Nowhere CD for his Nine Lives CD but no, he slept right through it. Zac was watching me switch them and warned me that if Taylor woke he’d be a bit angry.
"He’s going to wake up and kill you."
"He’s out like a light. He’s not going to wake up until we get there. And if he does, he’ll get over it."
The flight was a few hours long and most of the entourage slept so there were not too many people to talk to. I listened to songs and wrote postcards to friends for most of the flight. Though Mackenzie thought that sitting in my lap was much more fun than his own seat so all of my postcards from Australia had something written by Mackenzie on them.
"What’s that?"
"It’s for my friend Liz."
"Can I write on it?"
"Yes, but not too much. Just write your name." So he took his favorite color crayon and went nuts on my postcards.
Zac came over and was sitting next to us and said, "Mack I don’t think Sami’s friends want your drawings all over the postcards."
Mackenzie got angry and turned to him, "They’ll like it. Sami said I could." It was adorable the way he got all defensive.
Indonesia was nice but it was a bit of a culture shock. I was so spoiled by England and Australia, I had no idea what people were saying. Most of the people around us spoke English but it was unnerving to not know what others are saying.
Indonesia is so different from any other country I had ever been in. In Europe and Australia, the architecture and design is basically the same but in Indonesia, it is totally different. As soon as you got out of Jakarta, everything is so rural. The guys had already been to Asia once, so they knew all about what to expect but my jaw just dropped when we landed.
Our hotel was nice, we were on the 33rd floor. We could see the mountains in the distance on the balcony, it was really pretty. We had the whole floor to ourselves so we had tons of fun. The kids were psyched that they were allowed to run around all over the place. The guys had to meet with people from a radio station and were gone for most of the day. I read to the girls that night while Mackenzie and the guys watched some cheesy ninja movie. It was dubbed into English and the characters’ mouths didn’t match up to the sound. The guys thought it was hysterical, it was actually pretty stupid.
The guys had a photo shoot the next morning and I went along for the ride. I despise photo sessions with a passion. Most photographers I have seen have been stuck up and annoying. They put the guys it weird poses and think they look cool. Meanwhile, the guys feel stupid and I have to look away to stop laughing. I can’t say all the photographers are that way but a lot of them are. This particular time, the kids and I were playing cards on the floor in the back of the room. We got "spoken to" a few times for being loud and then for being in the way. Ugh! We were in the corner, we couldn’t be more out of the way if we were out the window. The guys came over and played with us while the photographer had a conniption fit about the lighting. The photographer was acting like a spoiled child, yelling over nothing.
The guys had their infamous Hard Rock Cafe press conference that night. This is not one of my fondest memories of the summer.
When we got there we pulled up in the van and it was just madness. There were people lining the streets trying to get a glimpse of the guys. The decision was made to have Mrs. Hanson and the younger children stay in the bus, since it was only a press conference and would not take long. I wanted to see what was going on so they let me go in with the guys. That was the start of my mistake. We were rushed inside and into a back room. It was really no big deal, it was only supposed to be a press conference to welcome the TOT to Indonesia. The guys got on-stage and I was standing to the side of the stage behind Mr. Hanson, who was videotaping. The press was sitting in front of the stage, asking basic questions, nothing really special. As most Hard Rocks go, the restaurant was not that big but as long as the fans stayed outside, we were all right. There were a few fans inside and they were very vocal but it was nothing that hadn’t happened before in other places. Mr. Hanson was taping and I was just kind of scanning the crowd. The girls seemed to be really anxious to see the guys. I figured as soon as they started answering questions the fans would start to calm down. That was not the case, it only got worse. Finally becoming almost deafening when they started to perform Mmmbop.
As the guys started to perform, the crowd got bigger and bigger. We all started to realize the severity of the situation around the same time. The guys, while still playing, were looking at each other with eyes wide. I think they were starting to relive Paramus in their minds. Mr. Hanson turned his head to face me and he looked nervous.
The restaurant was going to let fans in to listen from the balcony. But as soon as they started letting people in, the crowd just stormed the doors. It was indescribable. There were so many people. My eyes darted across the crowd as it grew larger and larger. I caught a glimpse of Jason and he did not look happy. I watched him as he searched the room, becoming more and more anxious. It seemed like there were more and more people coming in, even though there was no more room. I am claustrophobic also so that was not helping my uneasiness either. People were climbing on top of the tables and chairs and leaning over the balcony. It was total chaos. The press was seated in front of the stage and as the audience grew, they were turning left and right to look around. I could see the confusion and panic in their faces. There were just too many people in the restaurant. The guys were called off the stage after the first song but for some reason they went back on. They didn't get very far because security pulled them down again after only a few moments. It was obvious to me that the crowd was too large but for some reason they felt that they would be all right to continue. As soon as the guys got off-stage, Mr. Hanson grabbed me and pulled me behind him. The fans just surged onto the stage. Security was scrambling and the press was trying to block the fans as best they could but nothing could stop that crowd. Girls were screaming for the guys to continue. As we were running, I made the mistake of looking back to see if we were being followed. There was a crowd of people following right behind me.
All I kept thinking was thank God the younger kids were left in the bus. I don’t know what would have happened if they were inside. We ran from the crowd and I was in the back of the entourage. Jason was up in the front with the guys and I was in the back behind Mr. Hanson. We ran through the back of the Hard Rock and into the restaurant next door. We had to run through that restaurant to get out. Unfortunately, as the guys were running by, patrons in the restaurant recognized them and jumped up to chase after them. As we ran through the restaurant, there were people seated on either side of the us. As the first few people started screaming and jumping up, the people in the back of the restaurant looked up to find out what was wrong. The crowd from the Hard Rock was behind us and there was at least a bit of a blockade but in the other restaurant, people just jumped up and ran with the guys.
The crowd was getting closer and security was trying desperately to keep the fans away. I really couldn’t see very much. All I was concentrating on was Mr. Hanson’s tan jacket. As long as I saw his jacket, I knew I would be all right. I just couldn’t lose him.
Just before we made it to the stairs, I was pulled from behind by someone. I had an open buttoned shirt on over a tank top and someone pulled my shirt right off. They were trying to get around me and I wouldn’t let them. So when they latched onto my shirt, I just shrugged it off my shoulders. I couldn't tell you who did it, it was so crazy. I didn't know what was going to happen. A few seconds later I felt someone grab at my neck and then I felt a pain in my upper back. I tried to scream but no one could hear me because every else around us was screaming. We started up the stairs to the roof and I was pulled from behind again. I was pulled back and lost my footing on the stairs. I skinned my knee on the corner of one of the concrete stairs. "Damnit," I thought, "Mr. Hanson is still running." I wanted to stop and sit down because moving was causing me excruciating pain. The crowd was trying to get past me and I knew I couldn’t let them. I pulled some girls’ hair who had passed me to get her behind me. I probably should feel bad about pulling her hair but I don’t. I was tearing my knee more by running but I couldn’t stop. If I did, I would have been overtaken by the crowd. I couldn't see anyone for a few seconds but then I saw Louis near the bus. It was taking all of my energy to scream and I could feel the blood running down my leg. Louis turned around and grabbed my wrist. The guys were safely in their bus but we were not. We frantically scanned for anything that looked familiar in any way. We found Susan, a press agent for the guys, and ran towards her. She was standing with a car door open and was looking for us. Louis pushed me into the back seat and Susan hopped in to ride shotgun. Susan turned around as we started back toward the hotel, "Are you two all right?"
I just kept looking out the windows at the fans that were getting angrier and angrier because they couldn’t hear the guys play. I was afraid they would follow us back to the hotel. Finally after Susan repeated the question for the third time, I snapped out of my haze and answered her, "I got a skinned knee and my neck hurts." As I told her about my neck, my hand instinctively went up to the mentioned spot. Louis grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. "Jesus, Sami, what the Hell happened?"
Susan climbed over the seat to look for herself. Her eyes were the size of saucers, "Sami we need to get that looked at." She grabbed the phone that was in her bag at her feet but she was scared and couldn’t remember the numbers to call. The longer she couldn’t remember, the more frustrated she got. I just sat there, it really didn’t hurt very much. My knee hurt a little more than my back but I was just numb. I was replaying the whole incident in my mind. It could have been so much worse and I kept asking myself why I went inside. I should have stayed with the kids but I didn’t. I was angry at myself for that and I was getting a migraine headache so basically I felt really crappy.
Susan finally got Jason on the phone and I could hear her side of the conversation. She frantically spoke into the phone, "Jason....no, I got them...No, Sami got hurt....she tore her knee and....yeah...No, she has a gouge in her back. It looks kind of bad, we may need to get her to a doctor....yeah...Okay, we’ll see you there." The rest of the ride to the hotel was pretty quiet, no one really spoke. When we got to the hotel Mrs. Hanson, Mr. Hanson a few others were waiting for us. The kids were ushered back up to their rooms. Getting out of the car required me to move my knee and that hurt a lot. The rest of them came to me and started assessing the damage done. I felt fine. I was just tired. Nothing really hurt, I was pretty numb.
After the initial shock of the situation subsided, I was brought back into the hotel. I was getting really tired and all I wanted to do was sleep, "Please, I just want to go to bed."
Mrs. Hanson was walking with me and I was leaning onto Louis for support. She was trying to keep me awake and talking. I think she was afraid I was going to pass out. We got to the elevator and I asked Mr. Hanson to go ahead of us and make sure none of the kids saw me. I didn’t want them to see me because I didn’t look very good. I think Taylor’s actual words were, "You look like you got hit by a bus."
Mrs. Hanson and I stayed in the hallway while Mr. Hanson ushered all the children into one room. She was being extremely nice and trying to reassure me that everything was going to be fine. I just wanted to go to bed. I didn’t care what anybody else did.
"Sami, come on, step forward, don’t lean against the wall. You need to stay awake."
"I’m going to be fine. I just want to go to bed."
"No, not yet. Don’t worry a doctor will be here in a while. You’re going to be fine."
Jason came back then and he basically picked me up and carried me back to my room.
I sat down on the bed and tried to push my hair off my face, "Did you tell the guys?"
A male voice answered. I can’t remember who it was, my headache was blocking out my sense of reality. It felt like someone was pounding my forehead with a tack hammer. "Yeah, but we weren’t sure if you wanted them in here so they’re in watching TV with the others."
"No, let them in that’s fine but please don’t tell the others."
Mrs. Hanson got up and went into the bathroom in search of a face cloth. She came back and knelt down to try to wipe off some of the blood. I was biting my tongue, trying not to scream.
"I know it hurts Sami but I’m just trying to clean it up a little. Please, I’m not trying to hurt you."
Isaac and Taylor came in and were watching us. I looked up at them and saw as their faces registered shock. It was like someone painted it onto their faces. "Great," I thought, "I didn’t think I looked that bad." Taylor came over and sat down behind me on the bed while Mr. Hanson, Jason and Louis were trying to piece together what actually happened to me.
I was registering broken parts of the conversation and was hanging my head, gritting my teeth against the pain.
"She was behind me...I grabbed her just before the boys were taken off-stage."
"I saw someone reach for her...they must have gotten her shirt."
"I saw her come up from the stairs...she was pale but I just thought she was scared...then in the car and I saw her neck."
Isaac reached for my hand and was holding it. Not that it was irritating because I know Isaac was only trying to be nice but I just wanted to go to sleep. He sat down cross-legged on the rug in front of me and was reassuring me that I was going to be all right. "Easy for you to say," I thought, "You weren’t the one that got attacked my a screaming teenie." Jason was pacing around the room and Bob (another security guard) brought the doctor into the room. He wasn’t very nice looking. A short, round man with glasses that kept frowning. His English was not the best and that made me feel even worse. "Great," I thought, "I’m going to die because we have a language barrier." Mrs. Hanson stood up and moved aside for him to inspect my knee. He grabbed my leg, none too gently, underneath my knee and opened a large bag full of supplies. I don’t know what he put on my knee but it stung really bad. I was too weak to scream but the look of shock must have shown on my face because Isaac squeezed my hand as the doctor poured more liquid onto my knee. He wrapped my knee with enough gauze to bandage half the country.
The doctor straightened up and made a small circular motion with his finger to signal me to turn around. I swung my legs over to the side of the bed, narrowly missing Isaac’s head. I felt Taylor move and turned to see him reach across the bed to my nightstand. I was a bit confused but figured it out when he picked up my scrunchie. I raised my hand to take it from him but he ignored it and leaned over my head. He was trying his hardest not to pull my hair. He put the scrunchie around his wrist and was trying his damnedest to get all of my hair up. He was raking his fingers through my hair and was finally able to pull it up into a ponytail. I meekly nodded my head and mouthed a thank you. He sat back down and was watching the doctor as he was probing at my back. This hurt a lot and Isaac said, "Squeeze my hand if it hurts." I squeezed a little bit, I didn’t want to hurt him. I figured if I started squeezing his hand, I might not stop. I was in just a little bit of pain.
I was looking at the floor and he slid forward and was face to face with me. He said, "Come on, you can squeeze harder than that" and made a really weird face. I chuckled a little and the doctor pinched my shoulder to warn me not to move. Isaac gave him the meanest look, it was kind of funny but I didn’t dare laugh.
Finally the none-too-gentle doctor spoke and said, "Scratch from person...No stitches...Will give medicine for pain and for sleep."
The whole room breathed out for the first time since the doctor had gotten there. Everyone was afraid I would need stitches or that I would need further care. The guards started pacing around, not knowing exactly what to do. Turns out, someone tried to grab for me and gripped my right shoulder but in their haste they slipped and their thumb nail ripped a three inch gouge into my back just below my collar bone. Someone handed me some water and two pills. I greedily took both of them and washed them down with the water. Whatever those pills were, they were strong. Only a few minutes after I took them, I was half asleep. The room started to clear out and Mrs. Hanson went to rinse out the face cloth. I just laid down across the foot of the bed and curled up in a ball. Isaac moved over and was asking me questions about what I saw.
"Isaac, please don’t take this the wrong way but please just go away. I only want to sleep." He got a sort of hurt look on his face and I raised my head off the bed.
"I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. I just want to sleep." Taylor got off the bed and they both finally left me alone. Mrs. Hanson came back in, "Come on, we need to get you out of those clothes so you can go to bed."
"I’ll stay in these, please just let me go to sleep." She wasn’t going to take no for an answer so she went over to my suitcase and started to look through my clothes, "Is this okay?" I didn’t even look, I just shook my head yes. I sat up and she helped me change.
"I’m really sorry about this. I should have stayed with you and the kids." Mind you I was a drugged at the time so my words were a bit slurred.
"Stop, you didn’t ask for this. You just wanted to see what it was all about."
"I keep remembering it and thinking of what would happen if the you and the kids had gone in."
She gripped both of my shoulders and put her face right in front of mine, "Stop thinking about that. I don’t want to think about it so neither should you. We didn’t go in and we are fine so stop it."
"I know but-" "Enough, your only thoughts should be of feeling better. Lie back and go to sleep, we’ll see you in the morning."
I don’t think my head even hit the pillow before I was asleep. It was a heavy, dreamless sleep.
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